[breaking back into my virtual world]
So I heard a quote about a week or so ago, that has resurfaced into my own life….
It went something to the effect of “the first decision to make, to get you out of a hole, is to ‘stop digging’.”
When I first read it, it sounded kind of catchy. However, I would have never thought that reality would have set in only a dozen day later…..
Side note: Please excuse the randomness today, but I’ve gotta get it together…
Have I wronged someone? Have I burned bridges that I’m not aware of? Have I been mean or unjustly? Have a created an environment around myself where people are drawn away from me? Am I the negative magnet to this positive world?
My phone doesn’t ring much anymore, nor does my inbox fill up with anything more than spam. Literally, I can count the number of people who call to check up on me using one hand. That’s sad, quite sad….let’s see…there’s DD, CC, Mom’s, KM, and DW. I guess what bothers me is that what I (until recently) considered my close knit family and friends aren’t as knit as I would have thought….
Lately I’ve been feeling the blunted force of self disappointment. I’ve made some bad decisions. Nothing that affects anyone else, except me. This is quite relative to my last post on 1/21, which outlined the fact that I don’t feel as though I have anyone to discuss my issues with.
So here I sit…I never thought my journey would have led me down this road of life. I’m sure that God has a message somewhere is this part of the Word of my Life, but I am clearly blinded. Blinded by the loneness and emptiness. (Note that I didn’t say Aloneness, because there are people who come and go, but I’m beginning to realize that they didn’t give a damn about me to begin with).
I just feel like I’m missing something. Like putting together a puzzle. All of the pieces are right there in from on you, yet you can’t make out what the heck the picture is….that’s how I feel……
I left my life in Georgia coming up on a year now. In doing so I sometimes wonder if it was the best decision.
Have I misplaced my life???
(Trying to stop digging)…..
3 comments:
Wow. I really don't know what to say. I've been there. With parts of it, i'm still there. It's hard sometimes to convince yourself successfully that you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be in this moment in your life. Just continue to trust God to guide you during this time. I know you'll get to where you're more comfortable in no time. I enjoy reading about your journey. You keep me uplifted. Keep truckin'! It won't be lonely for long. :)
I was wondering what happened to you! Glad to know you're alive - that in itself is a gift. I also pray you find some clarity and resolution to the emptiness you feel. I may not know how you feel, but I understand. It's only for a little while, and things will pick back up again. Take it easy.
Wow I haven’t been on your blog for a while. Somehow I stumbled upon it today. Lucky me I guess I can say.
Interesting blog… I can relate to this blog… I have so been in this position. My personal opinion is that when we are going through a phase in life where we are trying to find ourselves, we tend to push people away. It usually is not our intent but from our actions or lack thereof we do. Just trust in God and know that you are right where he wants you to be. You say that your phone does not ring and you don’t hear from people remember that it’s a two way street. Never forget that! You said in an earlier post you feel that you have no one who can relate, but maybe you have people who can relate, but you will not allow them in. Never be afraid to live life and let yourself go just a little. Luv ya my dear, I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I pray that you find clarity! Keep your head up!
Your friend in the DMV!
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