I've always thought of it as a failed attempt to fill an endless void in life....a medoicre method of massaging the mind while stabbing the heart, unless it's binded by the true roots from which is extends. It entraps the minds and tortures the soul. It feeds off the distorted misunderstood method from which it originated, unless it has a beginning...a frame work, a point at which all else is obsolete including the very thing itself. Without the proper origins, it becomes as a virus, ever so slowly mutating itself so that one version can't be determined from another....mutating until it becomes socially....acceptable.
What makes it so difficult to fully grasp ones eyes around it is the simple fact that if found the right way, if nuturing of the seed can win patience over the bloom, which will only last for a breif moment in time, some way, by the grace of God, we can truly see the goodness and annoiting, the blessing, the fruitfulness of what we have socially made into a sinful virus.
I have often times lately found myself in deep thought about what it would be like to be able to spiritually engulf, not my flesh, but my heart, my fantasies, my soul, into this entity that on the surface portrays its self as a means of self actualization (attempting to reach ones pinnacle), yet when fully understood actually reaches the top of the mountain.
I no longer think about her, nor myself for matter......and that is when I get out of self and travel the road unchartered to find the roots of what I am seeking. I travel back down a road that I shouldn't have to, but due to my inability to navigate myself early on, I got lost, and thank God, He has placed a sign at the beginning of that road that reads: "HWY True Love: Turn Here". I'm glad he placed it there, cause if he hadn't only He knows where I would have ended up. So begin my journey, alone, which is what I strongly believe he wanted. But I shall press forward. You see the good thing about Him is that He lets me know that the road will be Dark.....and that when I BEGIN to see the light at the other end, First and foremost I will begin to see all of the things that have slowed my path on this dark and dreary road......
side note: "Have you ever heard the saying: 'The closer you get to God (the Light), the more you see the things that were holding you down'"
But by the time I reach that light I will have sheded that coat of distortion, that weight of dispare, that gumption that had been holding me down and confused for o' so long.
And when I do....oh when I do.....I shall find her....not just her the flesh, not just her the tangible....but her the peace of mind.....her the soul....she who has reached that light with me, but on another path also called "Hwy True Love". She shall become me and I become she and in His eyes we shall no longer be known as I & She......but we become know to Him who is above all as "WE".
At that point in time, you can take my name, because it no longer matters to me, just call she & I.... "WE"....
And when that time comes....this socially accepted virus will no longer have the means to come into our lives...to threaten the very threads that make up our conjoined souls. We shall create our own greater antibody...and it shall be called....Love....True Love....we shall show the masses what this virus truly is, not by exposing it, but by experiencing true love.
And no longer will we understand the ideology of this man made word...this three letter conjecture...this virus that leads to fornication, adultry, and lust......because all that we will know is love and how to make it as a patiently as a potter critques his work...as dedicated as the eygptians who built the pyramids....and as long as it took you and me, who became we....to travel down that unchartered path known as "Hwy True Love"
Love is a beautiful thing!
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Do you know this guy?
I have been having this issue within myself. Ok, I'll just be blunt with it....My undergrad research in Computational Physics was published (Georgia Journal of Science). Most people would do the whole *jumping up and down routine*? Which I do also, but only internally. Have you ever heard of Edward Alexander Bouchet? Not many people have....well he's ...nah, if you are interested I'll let you figure it out, so that it makes more sense of my issue. Most people would also say something like, "being published in a nationally recognized journal is a major accomplishment", and to them I say "I agree".....but in lies the issue of meeting people and having them ask you, "sooo tell me about yourself?.....what did you study in undergrad?....what are you doing now?...what are your plans?" Now to me, my plans seem rather artisitic (thought through and not thought to). Yet lately I have been having the hardest time explaining to people that:
1. I got my degree in Physics
2. I'm in the Masters of Business Admin program
3. I'm going back to get my Ph.D in Computational Physics
4. Oh and by the way, I just got published at age 22 ! or ?
My inner self says that if they look at you funny as though you're a nerd, then its a good thing....that if they don't understand then it's not a bad thing....but my outerself says that if you meet a woman, she doesn't want to hear that you just finished your research on Demonstrating the Central Limit Theorem Using Matlab? That she won't understand a word you are saying, and will look "through" you, and not "into" you.
So that's my dilemma.....now that I reread this as I type it, I think back to my previous posts the past few weeks and realize just how minut this one actually is, lol. Oh well, its important to me just the same! I want to meet a more diverse crowd. I want to meet other black physicists. I want to socialize and talk about my research and listen to them talk about theirs. I want that commonality that I have been lacking since I turned in my last seminar submission back in May. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to "belong" to any "in crowd", but I want to be able to discuss things that intrest me (ICB Missles, Fusion, Fission, Nucleosynthesis, Relativity, Time Travel, Nebula's, Mirror Nuclei, etc.....). And yet have I to find that type of conversation.......but the search continues....
Short Sweet & to the Point
See you guys soon....think im gonna check out a tad bit early today.
KJD
Monday, September 27, 2004
One Step Back Three Steps Forward
Ok so I let go a little be this past weekend. But as I reflect, which I commonly do, I realize that everything He has for me has purpose. This past weekend we (the bruhs and TS) roadtripped up to Knoxville for UT's Homecoming. Details to follow:
Friday: Well I took off work early in order to beat traffic. We got there around 4:15, just in time to make it to the Bruhs cookout. I have never really met any of them, but I know them from the list serve we are all on, so that made the aquaintness more at ease. We hung out there and ate good. Afterwards we did our normal, riding around to get a feel for the town, so we don't get lost once the sun goes down. There was a comedy show, hosted by Bill Bellamy (I wonder do yall remember him?). It was better than I had expected, although some of his jokes carried over far too long in my opinion. I think the coolest part was that he has a roll call of all the greeks, and when he asked where all the Alpha's were....the ENTIRE Ampitheate errupted. Sounded like the trumpets in Revelations, lol...just jokin. The Bruhs had a party that night at the Howard Johnson Hotel, which was a good source of fun, but I really didn't feel like dancing (I never really do...*set up for saturday*). We party hopped/strolled a good bit, then left around 3am. Now I was thinking that I was going to get a little sleep since the step show as at 1pm the next afternoon, but by the time we got back to EH's apartment, he was like hey, let go to the AKA's place, they still up getting ready for the stepshow. So we went down there....had a blast, and ended up not leaving till ohh....5:30am!!!! Got back to EH"s and listened to all the bruhs crack jokes till the sun came up. By then everyone was sleep.....
Saturday: ...9:45...we were back, up, & at it again. After breakfast at Burger King, we hit up the stepshow at 1pm. Those AKA's....the same ones from the night before......lit up the show...best showing of AKA's I've ever seen. The bruhs came in 2nd, and of course the AKA's won for the sororities. After the Stepshow, there was a cookout at EH's place.....good food....free food. Although I must thank EH though, cause I dunno if I could have dealt with 8 grown men up in my living room sleeping, lol. After we ate all the food, we headed to the Kappa's party. Now as I said before, I don't usually dance, but for some odd reason, I just felt the need to let go....lol. So needless to say, I gained my Partyhoppin-grinding-steppin-mellowed out shoes that night. I haven't danced (and in turn sweated) that much in years, lol...well from dancing at least. I met a few people, got some contact information from a few people, and some networking opportunities as well. So we leave the party around 3:30 again, and somehow end up back on campus..."again". So now its like 4:30 or 5:00 "am". Its me, SL, KM, and RM. OK...KM was as drunk as they come...and somehow manages to find these two dudes playing basketball at 5 in the morning.....and asks them to play He and I in two-on-two at 5:00 IN TH E MORNING!!!!!!! Needless to say...we lost! So we got home just in time for us not to watch the sun coming up again.
Sunday:
After over sleeping.....having to get a wrecker for my frats car, getting my cell phone turned off, turned back on, and not leaving knoxville till 3:45pm.....I was gone after we got back at 6:15. And to make it even worse, I promised MG that I would go to Apache Cafe with her last night.....I've been dying to go for the last two maybe even three months. So we get there at a reasonable hour, and manage to find a seat on the sofa near the back of the room. On sunday nights they have a Spoken Word open mic session. Comparing it to the Jam Sessions on Wednesday night....I'd have to give the Poetry nite the nod. The atmosphere was just way more relaxed. And I enjoyed hanging out with MG, cause there is no undercover issues going on...we talk about folx we are both interested in or lack there of......and we both keep it real...so that way there are never any issues about us. The show lasted till around maybe 11pm I guess, but we left at 10:30, since we both had to be up this morning. We stopped at AppleBee's for dinner, and really got a chance to converse about "real" issues, which is something that so many females lack these days. I finally made it home at 12:30am, and went straight to sleep!
I over slept this morning, didn't get to work till 8:00 and then turned around and missed my 8:30 Safery Meeting...and now I'm soooooooooooo sleepy....I wish 4pm would hurry and get here, so I can go home and get about an hour sleep before "class" tonight.
Even though I kinda wilded out this weekend, it really put so much into prospective. Showed me a variety of things: 1. You can have a blast, and not get drunk, 2. There are other normal people in the world. 3 Those normal people have the same desires that you have, yet they have no clue how to convey that to you.
Yall be safe as Jeanne makes her way through Georgia
KJD
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
Friday: Well I took off work early in order to beat traffic. We got there around 4:15, just in time to make it to the Bruhs cookout. I have never really met any of them, but I know them from the list serve we are all on, so that made the aquaintness more at ease. We hung out there and ate good. Afterwards we did our normal, riding around to get a feel for the town, so we don't get lost once the sun goes down. There was a comedy show, hosted by Bill Bellamy (I wonder do yall remember him?). It was better than I had expected, although some of his jokes carried over far too long in my opinion. I think the coolest part was that he has a roll call of all the greeks, and when he asked where all the Alpha's were....the ENTIRE Ampitheate errupted. Sounded like the trumpets in Revelations, lol...just jokin. The Bruhs had a party that night at the Howard Johnson Hotel, which was a good source of fun, but I really didn't feel like dancing (I never really do...*set up for saturday*). We party hopped/strolled a good bit, then left around 3am. Now I was thinking that I was going to get a little sleep since the step show as at 1pm the next afternoon, but by the time we got back to EH's apartment, he was like hey, let go to the AKA's place, they still up getting ready for the stepshow. So we went down there....had a blast, and ended up not leaving till ohh....5:30am!!!! Got back to EH"s and listened to all the bruhs crack jokes till the sun came up. By then everyone was sleep.....
Saturday: ...9:45...we were back, up, & at it again. After breakfast at Burger King, we hit up the stepshow at 1pm. Those AKA's....the same ones from the night before......lit up the show...best showing of AKA's I've ever seen. The bruhs came in 2nd, and of course the AKA's won for the sororities. After the Stepshow, there was a cookout at EH's place.....good food....free food. Although I must thank EH though, cause I dunno if I could have dealt with 8 grown men up in my living room sleeping, lol. After we ate all the food, we headed to the Kappa's party. Now as I said before, I don't usually dance, but for some odd reason, I just felt the need to let go....lol. So needless to say, I gained my Partyhoppin-grinding-steppin-mellowed out shoes that night. I haven't danced (and in turn sweated) that much in years, lol...well from dancing at least. I met a few people, got some contact information from a few people, and some networking opportunities as well. So we leave the party around 3:30 again, and somehow end up back on campus..."again". So now its like 4:30 or 5:00 "am". Its me, SL, KM, and RM. OK...KM was as drunk as they come...and somehow manages to find these two dudes playing basketball at 5 in the morning.....and asks them to play He and I in two-on-two at 5:00 IN TH E MORNING!!!!!!! Needless to say...we lost! So we got home just in time for us not to watch the sun coming up again.
Sunday:
After over sleeping.....having to get a wrecker for my frats car, getting my cell phone turned off, turned back on, and not leaving knoxville till 3:45pm.....I was gone after we got back at 6:15. And to make it even worse, I promised MG that I would go to Apache Cafe with her last night.....I've been dying to go for the last two maybe even three months. So we get there at a reasonable hour, and manage to find a seat on the sofa near the back of the room. On sunday nights they have a Spoken Word open mic session. Comparing it to the Jam Sessions on Wednesday night....I'd have to give the Poetry nite the nod. The atmosphere was just way more relaxed. And I enjoyed hanging out with MG, cause there is no undercover issues going on...we talk about folx we are both interested in or lack there of......and we both keep it real...so that way there are never any issues about us. The show lasted till around maybe 11pm I guess, but we left at 10:30, since we both had to be up this morning. We stopped at AppleBee's for dinner, and really got a chance to converse about "real" issues, which is something that so many females lack these days. I finally made it home at 12:30am, and went straight to sleep!
I over slept this morning, didn't get to work till 8:00 and then turned around and missed my 8:30 Safery Meeting...and now I'm soooooooooooo sleepy....I wish 4pm would hurry and get here, so I can go home and get about an hour sleep before "class" tonight.
Even though I kinda wilded out this weekend, it really put so much into prospective. Showed me a variety of things: 1. You can have a blast, and not get drunk, 2. There are other normal people in the world. 3 Those normal people have the same desires that you have, yet they have no clue how to convey that to you.
Yall be safe as Jeanne makes her way through Georgia
KJD
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Autumn is Here
So yesterday marked the first day of autumn....where the leaves turn apple red & golden brown. I actually enjoy this time of year. Most people associate it with death, but I choose to think otherwise. As with most things, different times of the year brings back memories of my not-so-distant youth. Like the last football high school football game I played in. Way down in Cairo Georgia.
side note: We lost the I believe 7 -13. Funny thing was though, was that the defense didn't give up any points....well except for the two field goals, but they only made it that far because the offense fumbled or threw an interception and they'd run it back for a touchdown. Our quarterback now plays for Clark Atlanta University. I happened to run into him the other day, and he invited me to come and watch him play....
I also remember the two months after that (December & January). Those were probably two of the hardest months I have ever had to deal with. You see...I knew momma didn't have all the money in the world to send me off to school, so I also knew that I needed to get a scholarship....well first there was Notre Dame(purely academics, not football related)...they called and asked me to come up for a weekend and they'd show me around the chemistry department, since that was an interest I had expressed in my letter to them. I choose not to go mainly for financial reasons, but I always wondered the what ifs. Next was Washington University of St. Louis. Ok, I thought this would have been a great opportunity....you see they don't have very many minority students, so scholarships were abundant. But due to distance and my next comments I chose not to show more interest. Ok, you remember how yesterday, I told you that my oldest brother was a big time football player....well, I guess everyone wanted me to go on to college like he had and play college football like he did. Well the struggle was that, I had already made up in my mind that my path in life just wasnt football....but like most things back then, I felt that I needed to apease everyone else and leave KJD last. So as you can see I ended up tossing the academic route in lue of play football for UWG.
side note: This is part of the reason I know God is Real. My freshman year we won the conference, but I didn't really get to play since I was a freshman. Sophomore year I played a whole lot (lettered & was on the All Gulf South Conference Team). That year was when God started speaking to me "physically". Next to last game of the season, I got cut blocked and my ankle decided that it wanted to become detached from the rest of the bone. I had surgery that November to put a plate (which is still there) and a screw (which was the second surgery) in my left leg. So my dumb self decided that that wasn't God, and that I needed to keep surviving. Well, Junior year, ohh about half way through the season, I tear my right Quad muscle...and I'm out for 5 games.....no surgery, but still. So I come back and finish the season up on a good note. So senior year (academically, Im still a junior on the field due to medical redshirts), Im thinking this is going to be my best year yet.......first game of the season....I'm having a great game....and wouldn't you know it.....torn ACL, out for the year....surgery #3. So, needless to say, that is when I started listening to God and hearing what he wanted me to do.....I grabbed my Degree & got up outta dodge.
But in between all of this hoopla, Christ had begun to speak to me mentally. I found myself having a true growing experience during my college years. I can clearly think back to the days of ole, when I didn't know how to decifer between right and wrong....lies and the truth. And I remember going through the period of life where I knew he was literally trying to teach me about him, which is why I ended up at Victory Tabernacle Ministries. The Pastor was a great man, and an even greater teacher. I stayed there for nearly two years, and when God showed me that my teaching phase was over...he sent me to Antioch Missionary Baptist Church, where I begin to get mentored on a real life application of the Word. God was even so good that He informed me about the Woman that is going to be Mrs. KJD. (Yall don't think I'm crazy or nuffin....well I don't really care if you do, lol) I was walking in Kroger about 12:30am (for those of you who were in college you know what I mean) and was in the produce section, and it just seemed like the "light" went on. At that time I felt that with all of the other people that God has to deal with, He had taken that very moment in time for me...little ole me! He told me that the reason I have not found that "true soul" was because, just as He was working with me......He was also working with her in that same fashion, so that when we come together, our souls can become one, instead of the flesh becoming one. He also showed me at that time in my life, that the reason why we (men) can't trully find a wife, is because we neglect "marrying God" first! Sounds odd huh? But true....before we can really and trully know how to love, respect, adore, nurture, and endure a relationship with our wife, we must first know how to love, respect, adore, nuture, and endure our relationship with Christ. We must "take the vow" with Him first, to fully understand the methods in which He wants us to abide by.
He is my Air!
More to come...but it's 4:09pm and I've gotta get outta this office...lol
"Think before you speak because you never know who is listening to your thoughts"
side note: We lost the I believe 7 -13. Funny thing was though, was that the defense didn't give up any points....well except for the two field goals, but they only made it that far because the offense fumbled or threw an interception and they'd run it back for a touchdown. Our quarterback now plays for Clark Atlanta University. I happened to run into him the other day, and he invited me to come and watch him play....
I also remember the two months after that (December & January). Those were probably two of the hardest months I have ever had to deal with. You see...I knew momma didn't have all the money in the world to send me off to school, so I also knew that I needed to get a scholarship....well first there was Notre Dame(purely academics, not football related)...they called and asked me to come up for a weekend and they'd show me around the chemistry department, since that was an interest I had expressed in my letter to them. I choose not to go mainly for financial reasons, but I always wondered the what ifs. Next was Washington University of St. Louis. Ok, I thought this would have been a great opportunity....you see they don't have very many minority students, so scholarships were abundant. But due to distance and my next comments I chose not to show more interest. Ok, you remember how yesterday, I told you that my oldest brother was a big time football player....well, I guess everyone wanted me to go on to college like he had and play college football like he did. Well the struggle was that, I had already made up in my mind that my path in life just wasnt football....but like most things back then, I felt that I needed to apease everyone else and leave KJD last. So as you can see I ended up tossing the academic route in lue of play football for UWG.
side note: This is part of the reason I know God is Real. My freshman year we won the conference, but I didn't really get to play since I was a freshman. Sophomore year I played a whole lot (lettered & was on the All Gulf South Conference Team). That year was when God started speaking to me "physically". Next to last game of the season, I got cut blocked and my ankle decided that it wanted to become detached from the rest of the bone. I had surgery that November to put a plate (which is still there) and a screw (which was the second surgery) in my left leg. So my dumb self decided that that wasn't God, and that I needed to keep surviving. Well, Junior year, ohh about half way through the season, I tear my right Quad muscle...and I'm out for 5 games.....no surgery, but still. So I come back and finish the season up on a good note. So senior year (academically, Im still a junior on the field due to medical redshirts), Im thinking this is going to be my best year yet.......first game of the season....I'm having a great game....and wouldn't you know it.....torn ACL, out for the year....surgery #3. So, needless to say, that is when I started listening to God and hearing what he wanted me to do.....I grabbed my Degree & got up outta dodge.
But in between all of this hoopla, Christ had begun to speak to me mentally. I found myself having a true growing experience during my college years. I can clearly think back to the days of ole, when I didn't know how to decifer between right and wrong....lies and the truth. And I remember going through the period of life where I knew he was literally trying to teach me about him, which is why I ended up at Victory Tabernacle Ministries. The Pastor was a great man, and an even greater teacher. I stayed there for nearly two years, and when God showed me that my teaching phase was over...he sent me to Antioch Missionary Baptist Church, where I begin to get mentored on a real life application of the Word. God was even so good that He informed me about the Woman that is going to be Mrs. KJD. (Yall don't think I'm crazy or nuffin....well I don't really care if you do, lol) I was walking in Kroger about 12:30am (for those of you who were in college you know what I mean) and was in the produce section, and it just seemed like the "light" went on. At that time I felt that with all of the other people that God has to deal with, He had taken that very moment in time for me...little ole me! He told me that the reason I have not found that "true soul" was because, just as He was working with me......He was also working with her in that same fashion, so that when we come together, our souls can become one, instead of the flesh becoming one. He also showed me at that time in my life, that the reason why we (men) can't trully find a wife, is because we neglect "marrying God" first! Sounds odd huh? But true....before we can really and trully know how to love, respect, adore, nurture, and endure a relationship with our wife, we must first know how to love, respect, adore, nuture, and endure our relationship with Christ. We must "take the vow" with Him first, to fully understand the methods in which He wants us to abide by.
He is my Air!
More to come...but it's 4:09pm and I've gotta get outta this office...lol
"Think before you speak because you never know who is listening to your thoughts"
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Autumn Awaits Us
Isn't it funny how the summer just flew by. I was thinking about last May, when I had just started my new job, and rejuvenating over mid-march. Thinking back to when I had just gotten into PPATL....to the month of June, when I spent so much time apartment hunting in this vast city deemed Atlanta. I've been thinking about the countless times I drove back and for from Carrollton to Atlanta to go to work, and back to Carrollton that evening....spending 100.00's of dollars on gas. Thinking back to being alone.......in solitude......desolate....minut....outside...of...my...self. But I was happy, or at least it seemed so at the time, but I really couldn't tell you though, cause I vaguely remember those times. I say these things only to say this.
A person commented on my page and said this:
"Hey KJD~
Boy, are you sure that you couldn't possibly have another calling? It may not necessarily be preaching, but what if it came in the form of something else? I guess in a way it already has because your blog has become the daily WORD, if you know what I mean. For myself, and maybe even a few others, I like reading yours because I think it's great to see what happens to people when they allow God to just be. I can't wait to see where God's vision leads you."
Now I'm no T.D. Jakes or Creflo Dollar.......not even a Eddie Long, but for what its worth I truly believe that God has a calling on everyones life. I think that it must get to the point within one's own innerself in whichwe accept that calling. Now, in my case.....I've been told that time and time again, since I was young, trying to learn how to play my grandmother's Early 20th Century Piano, and preaching around the house, the same stuff I had heard her and other Evangelists say. I, again, really can't remember too much about those times in my life.......I was only 4 or 5 years old, but I remember that....I remember her Yellow House on the hill, with the Piano in the Living Room, and all the family portraits around the walls. I remember the big ditch along side the road...I remember the garden with the watermelons growing in it behind the house....I even remember the plot of what use to be grass where people in the country burned things, and where across the fence were chickens and geese that use to run around like they had their heads cut off...which eventually did happen. But what I remember most of all was those times when she'd (grandma who was really my great aunt) tell me that when I grew up I'd be a "preachin man" (in grandma's old voice).
Fast Forward to grade school. To be honest, those times were a blur. I remember most things if brought in a conversation, but if you just asked me what happened April 3rd 1987....I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. I could tell you that I was in 1st grade, in Mrs. Sibley's class (whom I deem my inspirational teacher of life)...imagine that....1st grade! I went to visit her a few years ago...she's still kickin it.
But grade school went by kinda fast....from Kindegarten - 5th Grade....I made all A's, (well we called them S's and U's back in those days) never made a B that I can think of. Sixth - Eighth Grade I remember a little more...like getting my First Trombone...and not knowing a thing about it. I wanted to play Alto Sax, but the band director told me that I had too bad of an overbite back then. So Trombone was my thing....I thought I was going to do that for the rest of my life. I made 2nd chair on most pieces & split 1st chair quite a few times. The other guy who always made first chair was the son of the College (FVSU) Band. We use to mimic the high school band with our routines in the Brass Section.....thought we were just "Bad". I remember my first day out for middle school football (you see I never really liked football, but my brother was a high school all american at it, so I had to essentially fall in his footsteps.....but I loved Baseball). Anywho, I got killed my first year (7th Grade). I was dang near the littlest thing on the field, and they had me playing offensive line, but by 8th grade I had put on a little more weight and was moved to the Starting Nose Tackle on Defense. I did good....and we won most of our games that year......
Fast Forward to High School
Who would have thunk that 8 years later I would have gone on to become and All-State Linebacker for PCHS, voted one of the Top 10 Players in Georgia (1999), won MVP & Captains Award, and having gone on to play for one of the best teams in Division II Football at that time. But I didn't give up on Baseball...by no means....cause once Spring Time came....."Ohh I love the small of fresh cut grass on a baseball diamond"...I played all three years of middle school & all four years of High School. I would have played in College, but Coach wasn't going to fulfill my full football scholarship if I had. I remember my first high school homerun....was against Northside HS. We had already lost the game, and I was just joking around. I told the catcher that since everyone on their team had hit a homerun off of our pitchers, that I guess it was my turn......so next pitch...a fastball down the middle....all I remember was swinging....rounding 1st base full steam ahead, and looking into left center field just in time to see the ball clear the fence. That was probably one of the best days of my life. I went on to hit several more that year (senior).
My social life in high school was an entity in itself. Let's see....in 9th Grade there was the RB thing that has lingered on since like 4th Grade (we still talk, but nothing ever really came of it)...10th Grade was the BR thing, and also my first prom....interesting to say the least. 11th Grade was when I think things begin to get hectic....you see that was the year of my big break out in football...so thats when "the cheerleader", not BR, cause she was one too, but in a different year.......came on to the scene. We talked and dated (puppy love), but inside I think I knew that nothing would come of it, which is probably how I came in contact with "Rae". I must say that Rae was my first love. I met Rae when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. We took a Literature class together, and I just thought she was just the most beautiful thing to grace the earth....but she wouldn't give me the time of day. So after quite a few flowers to class and me finding someone else, only to come back to Rae, she caved in and that was it....I thought I had met a queen. Only thing was.....she was a Jehovah's Witness. Now I didn't have an issue with that 1. Because I didn't really know Christ back then, and didn't really grasp the entirity of it and 2. I've always tried to be open minded to all individuals. But her father just wasn't havin it, lol. So our relationship was pretty much kept on the school grounds. Which was good for me, cause I didn't do too much after school or on weekends, unless it dealt with Football or Baseball. I remember having a great game....I'd have like 15 tackles 2 sacks and a INT... we'd win like 65-7....then I'd go home after the game and watch T.V. ....alone.
She and I lasted till I graduated. I wanted to take her to my Senior Prom (since I didn't go to Junior Prom), but as I stated earlier, her pops wasn't havin that, lol. After graduation, and my move to Carrollton, our love just seemed to dwindle. We tried being friends for a few years afterward, but it just became too stressful. I think about her sometimes, especially when I scroll my phone and see her number. She use to tell me that while I was away at college, every time she drove by the street I use to live on, she'd look down, just to see if I was home, which made me feel kinda good.
Well I've rambled enough for today......more on the Making of the Life & How I came to trully begin to "know" Christ tomorrow.......Lord Willing. Yall be safe and keep me in ya prayers.
Is this the begining of a book??? Hmm....
"Think before you speak....you never know who is trying to listen to your thoughts"
A person commented on my page and said this:
"Hey KJD~
Boy, are you sure that you couldn't possibly have another calling? It may not necessarily be preaching, but what if it came in the form of something else? I guess in a way it already has because your blog has become the daily WORD, if you know what I mean. For myself, and maybe even a few others, I like reading yours because I think it's great to see what happens to people when they allow God to just be. I can't wait to see where God's vision leads you."
Now I'm no T.D. Jakes or Creflo Dollar.......not even a Eddie Long, but for what its worth I truly believe that God has a calling on everyones life. I think that it must get to the point within one's own innerself in whichwe accept that calling. Now, in my case.....I've been told that time and time again, since I was young, trying to learn how to play my grandmother's Early 20th Century Piano, and preaching around the house, the same stuff I had heard her and other Evangelists say. I, again, really can't remember too much about those times in my life.......I was only 4 or 5 years old, but I remember that....I remember her Yellow House on the hill, with the Piano in the Living Room, and all the family portraits around the walls. I remember the big ditch along side the road...I remember the garden with the watermelons growing in it behind the house....I even remember the plot of what use to be grass where people in the country burned things, and where across the fence were chickens and geese that use to run around like they had their heads cut off...which eventually did happen. But what I remember most of all was those times when she'd (grandma who was really my great aunt) tell me that when I grew up I'd be a "preachin man" (in grandma's old voice).
Fast Forward to grade school. To be honest, those times were a blur. I remember most things if brought in a conversation, but if you just asked me what happened April 3rd 1987....I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. I could tell you that I was in 1st grade, in Mrs. Sibley's class (whom I deem my inspirational teacher of life)...imagine that....1st grade! I went to visit her a few years ago...she's still kickin it.
But grade school went by kinda fast....from Kindegarten - 5th Grade....I made all A's, (well we called them S's and U's back in those days) never made a B that I can think of. Sixth - Eighth Grade I remember a little more...like getting my First Trombone...and not knowing a thing about it. I wanted to play Alto Sax, but the band director told me that I had too bad of an overbite back then. So Trombone was my thing....I thought I was going to do that for the rest of my life. I made 2nd chair on most pieces & split 1st chair quite a few times. The other guy who always made first chair was the son of the College (FVSU) Band. We use to mimic the high school band with our routines in the Brass Section.....thought we were just "Bad". I remember my first day out for middle school football (you see I never really liked football, but my brother was a high school all american at it, so I had to essentially fall in his footsteps.....but I loved Baseball). Anywho, I got killed my first year (7th Grade). I was dang near the littlest thing on the field, and they had me playing offensive line, but by 8th grade I had put on a little more weight and was moved to the Starting Nose Tackle on Defense. I did good....and we won most of our games that year......
Fast Forward to High School
Who would have thunk that 8 years later I would have gone on to become and All-State Linebacker for PCHS, voted one of the Top 10 Players in Georgia (1999), won MVP & Captains Award, and having gone on to play for one of the best teams in Division II Football at that time. But I didn't give up on Baseball...by no means....cause once Spring Time came....."Ohh I love the small of fresh cut grass on a baseball diamond"...I played all three years of middle school & all four years of High School. I would have played in College, but Coach wasn't going to fulfill my full football scholarship if I had. I remember my first high school homerun....was against Northside HS. We had already lost the game, and I was just joking around. I told the catcher that since everyone on their team had hit a homerun off of our pitchers, that I guess it was my turn......so next pitch...a fastball down the middle....all I remember was swinging....rounding 1st base full steam ahead, and looking into left center field just in time to see the ball clear the fence. That was probably one of the best days of my life. I went on to hit several more that year (senior).
My social life in high school was an entity in itself. Let's see....in 9th Grade there was the RB thing that has lingered on since like 4th Grade (we still talk, but nothing ever really came of it)...10th Grade was the BR thing, and also my first prom....interesting to say the least. 11th Grade was when I think things begin to get hectic....you see that was the year of my big break out in football...so thats when "the cheerleader", not BR, cause she was one too, but in a different year.......came on to the scene. We talked and dated (puppy love), but inside I think I knew that nothing would come of it, which is probably how I came in contact with "Rae". I must say that Rae was my first love. I met Rae when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. We took a Literature class together, and I just thought she was just the most beautiful thing to grace the earth....but she wouldn't give me the time of day. So after quite a few flowers to class and me finding someone else, only to come back to Rae, she caved in and that was it....I thought I had met a queen. Only thing was.....she was a Jehovah's Witness. Now I didn't have an issue with that 1. Because I didn't really know Christ back then, and didn't really grasp the entirity of it and 2. I've always tried to be open minded to all individuals. But her father just wasn't havin it, lol. So our relationship was pretty much kept on the school grounds. Which was good for me, cause I didn't do too much after school or on weekends, unless it dealt with Football or Baseball. I remember having a great game....I'd have like 15 tackles 2 sacks and a INT... we'd win like 65-7....then I'd go home after the game and watch T.V. ....alone.
She and I lasted till I graduated. I wanted to take her to my Senior Prom (since I didn't go to Junior Prom), but as I stated earlier, her pops wasn't havin that, lol. After graduation, and my move to Carrollton, our love just seemed to dwindle. We tried being friends for a few years afterward, but it just became too stressful. I think about her sometimes, especially when I scroll my phone and see her number. She use to tell me that while I was away at college, every time she drove by the street I use to live on, she'd look down, just to see if I was home, which made me feel kinda good.
Well I've rambled enough for today......more on the Making of the Life & How I came to trully begin to "know" Christ tomorrow.......Lord Willing. Yall be safe and keep me in ya prayers.
Is this the begining of a book??? Hmm....
"Think before you speak....you never know who is trying to listen to your thoughts"
Friday, September 17, 2004
Jesus A Carpenter?
I was asked by someone whom I really do look up to, the question of "If Jesus was a Carpenter, then what did he build?" At the time, it was merely a joke, but I woke up this morning with the desire to find out just how good of a Carpenter Jesus actually was!
Defining Keywords of a Carpenter:
1. Constructor
2. Assembler
3. Erecter
4. Installation
5. Floorlaying
My Opinion:
I was always taught that at the time of His birth there was so much wrong with the World, much like the time period before Noah's Ark. So my thoughts/prayers lead me to believe that He has been proclaimed a Carpenter not "just" off of the tangible things that he built, but more of the building of the spiritual bridge that allows us to be forgiven of our sins.That His life was symbolized as the "Assembler" or "Erecter" of new mercy from God. That mankinds ways had become so sinful and unsatisfing to God. So just like "rebuilding" a house or a building, you need a "constructor" that will do the "floorlaying" and the "installation" of how we should live.
From my experiences, I see that He (through God) rebuilt a crumbled society. And like a good Carpenter, He "rebuilt" the ground works, the frame, and then "contracted" out the rest of God's house to His Disciples, prophets, and people who believe in Him, to build the rest [Go ye into the world and preach the Word].
Parable or Not....He's got my vote....Vote Jesus 2004!!My name is Paul (formally Saul) and I support JC in 04'!
Random thoughts of an inquisitive mind
Defining Keywords of a Carpenter:
1. Constructor
2. Assembler
3. Erecter
4. Installation
5. Floorlaying
My Opinion:
I was always taught that at the time of His birth there was so much wrong with the World, much like the time period before Noah's Ark. So my thoughts/prayers lead me to believe that He has been proclaimed a Carpenter not "just" off of the tangible things that he built, but more of the building of the spiritual bridge that allows us to be forgiven of our sins.That His life was symbolized as the "Assembler" or "Erecter" of new mercy from God. That mankinds ways had become so sinful and unsatisfing to God. So just like "rebuilding" a house or a building, you need a "constructor" that will do the "floorlaying" and the "installation" of how we should live.
From my experiences, I see that He (through God) rebuilt a crumbled society. And like a good Carpenter, He "rebuilt" the ground works, the frame, and then "contracted" out the rest of God's house to His Disciples, prophets, and people who believe in Him, to build the rest [Go ye into the world and preach the Word].
Parable or Not....He's got my vote....Vote Jesus 2004!!My name is Paul (formally Saul) and I support JC in 04'!
Random thoughts of an inquisitive mind
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
An Evening in the Life
Morning:
I am fully aware that right now the time is 7:50am est, and it would normally be way to early to be posting on here.....but in case you didn't know...this is MY BLOG, lol! Anyways, I just had to open up another blessed day with my praises to Him. He is my strength, my refuge, my peace of mind. Through him I can overcome all obstacles....through Him I will move mountains.
Yesterday after work, oh and NCAA 2005, I hit up the gym. I was suppose to be meeting this personal trainer there (some free consultation for new members), but how about when I got there, I had to wait 20 mins? At a gym, comon! Then she says that I'm an hour late? Ok, now she called me in the office yesterday, and confirmed that I was to be there at 6:45, so when I get there, she says that my workout appointment was for 6:00? I'm like how is it that I remember 6:45, not 7:00, and you remember 6:00? Kinda strange. But anyways, that turned out to not even be relavent to my workout. So yesterday was upper body lifting, which turned out to be good. This one guy asked me to "spot" him on a couple of lifts, and saw my UWG shorts, so he went into the whole, "what position did you play", "what division is UWG" conversation. We talked about football for a min, while doing some barbell and dumbbell inclines. After the workout, I get out to the car, and no sooner than I sit down, I begin feeling like I'm on cloud 99. So I'm riding down Cobb Pkwy, jammin my Gospel music, without a care in the world.............ok, now is the point where you guys are probably expecting me to say something went wrong.........well.....it didn't! Yesterday was the bomb!!! As simple as it was~ I got home, cooked up some steak teriyaki (low fat of course). Watched Seinfeld & Good Burger (I bet yall don't remember that one) [Nickalodeon Crew: "Welcome to Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger, Can I take your order?] My goal last night was to at least through one load of clothes in the washer before I went to sleep, but by the time I laid across the bed at 9:30 to watch the movie there were three piles of clothes seperated on the floor....and when I rolled over after falling asleep on the movie, the piles were still there.....So I rolled back over, and called it a night....and needless to say, when I got up and left this morning....they were still there. Its cool, I take care of it today, since I have no class.
Well I'm here now, it's Wednesday, and another day in which I can't complain. I found this conference that I'm interested in going to at the church I went to on Sunday. It's a FREE two day affair (Friday Night & Saturday morning). So I think I'll hit that up. Also, the Bruhs asked about going to For Sisters Only and making it a For Bruhs Only type deal. I never really understood why they called it FSO and then invite everyone to come out....kinda odd to me! Anyways, so that's the tentative plans, but I'm sure that if they change you'll be the first to know.
See you guys soon.
"Become moldable, and allow the Father to make a masterpiece"
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
I am fully aware that right now the time is 7:50am est, and it would normally be way to early to be posting on here.....but in case you didn't know...this is MY BLOG, lol! Anyways, I just had to open up another blessed day with my praises to Him. He is my strength, my refuge, my peace of mind. Through him I can overcome all obstacles....through Him I will move mountains.
Yesterday after work, oh and NCAA 2005, I hit up the gym. I was suppose to be meeting this personal trainer there (some free consultation for new members), but how about when I got there, I had to wait 20 mins? At a gym, comon! Then she says that I'm an hour late? Ok, now she called me in the office yesterday, and confirmed that I was to be there at 6:45, so when I get there, she says that my workout appointment was for 6:00? I'm like how is it that I remember 6:45, not 7:00, and you remember 6:00? Kinda strange. But anyways, that turned out to not even be relavent to my workout. So yesterday was upper body lifting, which turned out to be good. This one guy asked me to "spot" him on a couple of lifts, and saw my UWG shorts, so he went into the whole, "what position did you play", "what division is UWG" conversation. We talked about football for a min, while doing some barbell and dumbbell inclines. After the workout, I get out to the car, and no sooner than I sit down, I begin feeling like I'm on cloud 99. So I'm riding down Cobb Pkwy, jammin my Gospel music, without a care in the world.............ok, now is the point where you guys are probably expecting me to say something went wrong.........well.....it didn't! Yesterday was the bomb!!! As simple as it was~ I got home, cooked up some steak teriyaki (low fat of course). Watched Seinfeld & Good Burger (I bet yall don't remember that one) [Nickalodeon Crew: "Welcome to Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger, Can I take your order?] My goal last night was to at least through one load of clothes in the washer before I went to sleep, but by the time I laid across the bed at 9:30 to watch the movie there were three piles of clothes seperated on the floor....and when I rolled over after falling asleep on the movie, the piles were still there.....So I rolled back over, and called it a night....and needless to say, when I got up and left this morning....they were still there. Its cool, I take care of it today, since I have no class.
Well I'm here now, it's Wednesday, and another day in which I can't complain. I found this conference that I'm interested in going to at the church I went to on Sunday. It's a FREE two day affair (Friday Night & Saturday morning). So I think I'll hit that up. Also, the Bruhs asked about going to For Sisters Only and making it a For Bruhs Only type deal. I never really understood why they called it FSO and then invite everyone to come out....kinda odd to me! Anyways, so that's the tentative plans, but I'm sure that if they change you'll be the first to know.
See you guys soon.
"Become moldable, and allow the Father to make a masterpiece"
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Knocking on Heaven's Front Door
Morning:
I know, I know, I know....I haven't been around in the past few days.....well since Friday, and today's Tuesday.......charge it to my head, not my heart. So what has been going on in the little ole world of mine since last friday? Let's see, where do I start.....oh how about Friday..yeah, that sounds profitable.
Friday- I had talked with MS earlier that day about carpooling over to Athens, for a party at Club Insomnia (keep in mind, that I'm never the party goer, so this trip was purely to get out of the house, lol). After getting a call from MAG, and realizing that we both had double booked ourselves that night, we decided that all three of us would just get together and make the trip [on her company car tab, : ) ]. So we get there right, and it's like 10:30pm, and I'm thinking well, there may not be that many people there at this time of night, but at least a few folx would be there...........well, how about wasn't a soul up in the building when we got there {Imagine that, the first folx there??} So we headed down to Starbuck cause MS wanted to try this new Frappacino, and my ignorance of caffeine wanted to try as well. We order two Chocolate Chip Frappacinos. The NASTIEST stuff I've ever tasted. Still leaves bad tastes in my mouth when I think about it. So that was a waste of $3.20. Afterwards we met up with a few more sorors (one of which I shall deem ?, and will discuss later). So we are all talking right...and I'm like [insert soror name], "isn't it wrong for me to look at these 'little' girls walking the strip considering I'm 22?" And no sooner than I get the words outta my mouth, does this girl who looks to be 17 calls out "MY" name. "Hey, [insert my name]" So im like "what the ????" Lo and behold its the sister of mid-march. I was like "you gotta be kiddin me". So we talked for a few minutes about some things that were unclear to both of us. You seen EH was like my little sister. She'd always call me for advice on this, that, and the other. But after March, we pretty much didn't talk. Maybe once or twice on instant messenger, but I didn't want cause any undue stress, so we both just left it alone. But after the conversation, and learning some new things, it really put a lot of stuff into prospective. So after that escapade combined with me getting jousted by the pham for talking to this little girl who looked no more than 17, we headed back to the club. Anywho, the party was cool, except for the abundance of White Tee's and Locals.....
Saturday - After not getting home until 4:30am I really didn't want to get up and go skating, but I had made MAG a promise that I would, so by 11: 30am I was at the skating rink, sleepy, tired, and every other word you could use to describe not getting enough sleep. Afterwards, I stopped by CarSpa to get my car washed and then did my normal grocery shopping and such, that I normally do on Friday's. Ironically, that night Me, MAG, and MS got back together and did dinner at Buffalo's Cafe. Those two are a real trip, and they keep me grounded which is a good thing, and is what I need now in life.
Sunday - I WENT TO CHURCH!!!! It's been far too long. If I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. Let's see....how about since June 26th to be exact. And I promise you that it was trully a breathe of fresh air. And I know that God is all knowing, but I don't know how He knew to have me meet MAG. She invited me to her church (New Life Baptist Church - Decatur Ga.) and I must say that it was trully Heaven sent that I went. You see, the pastor made clear what I kinda knew, but had no idea how to put into words/action. He let me know that when we become Saved, that satan no longer has authority of our bodies, like in the New Testament when evil spirits would be inside a person's body. So now, he attacks the mind. And I promise you guys, that is what he has been focusing on with me. Its like he will try to pick that part of my mind that he knows will cause me to have a sinful nature, and he will hone on that.....but now I know, and can make it a tangible focus. Which is where the title, "Knocking on Heaven's Front Door". I see that this dude (satan) is gonna keep chasing me, because he knows what God has for me. So I figure, if/since there is satan's storm coming....why not knock on God's house and ask Him if he will have me in out of the rain. I've found out that not only will He allow us in, but He'll give us new clothing & a coat of armor to battle the deceivingness of satan himself.
So here I am, it's tuesday morning around 10:00am. Yesterday was a blur, with class and all. I'm still fighting temptations, but as I look back I'm seeing that I am winning now more than I was losing before, which means that I have to be moving in the right direction. And I thank You for it God. My peace of mind is beginning to ease into its restful state of being.
*Now if I can get these bills paid off I'll be alright* lol
One Step at a time KJD One Step at a time.
Yall keep me in ya prayers, and I'll do the same.
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
I know, I know, I know....I haven't been around in the past few days.....well since Friday, and today's Tuesday.......charge it to my head, not my heart. So what has been going on in the little ole world of mine since last friday? Let's see, where do I start.....oh how about Friday..yeah, that sounds profitable.
Friday- I had talked with MS earlier that day about carpooling over to Athens, for a party at Club Insomnia (keep in mind, that I'm never the party goer, so this trip was purely to get out of the house, lol). After getting a call from MAG, and realizing that we both had double booked ourselves that night, we decided that all three of us would just get together and make the trip [on her company car tab, : ) ]. So we get there right, and it's like 10:30pm, and I'm thinking well, there may not be that many people there at this time of night, but at least a few folx would be there...........well, how about wasn't a soul up in the building when we got there {Imagine that, the first folx there??} So we headed down to Starbuck cause MS wanted to try this new Frappacino, and my ignorance of caffeine wanted to try as well. We order two Chocolate Chip Frappacinos. The NASTIEST stuff I've ever tasted. Still leaves bad tastes in my mouth when I think about it. So that was a waste of $3.20. Afterwards we met up with a few more sorors (one of which I shall deem ?, and will discuss later). So we are all talking right...and I'm like [insert soror name], "isn't it wrong for me to look at these 'little' girls walking the strip considering I'm 22?" And no sooner than I get the words outta my mouth, does this girl who looks to be 17 calls out "MY" name. "Hey, [insert my name]" So im like "what the ????" Lo and behold its the sister of mid-march. I was like "you gotta be kiddin me". So we talked for a few minutes about some things that were unclear to both of us. You seen EH was like my little sister. She'd always call me for advice on this, that, and the other. But after March, we pretty much didn't talk. Maybe once or twice on instant messenger, but I didn't want cause any undue stress, so we both just left it alone. But after the conversation, and learning some new things, it really put a lot of stuff into prospective. So after that escapade combined with me getting jousted by the pham for talking to this little girl who looked no more than 17, we headed back to the club. Anywho, the party was cool, except for the abundance of White Tee's and Locals.....
Saturday - After not getting home until 4:30am I really didn't want to get up and go skating, but I had made MAG a promise that I would, so by 11: 30am I was at the skating rink, sleepy, tired, and every other word you could use to describe not getting enough sleep. Afterwards, I stopped by CarSpa to get my car washed and then did my normal grocery shopping and such, that I normally do on Friday's. Ironically, that night Me, MAG, and MS got back together and did dinner at Buffalo's Cafe. Those two are a real trip, and they keep me grounded which is a good thing, and is what I need now in life.
Sunday - I WENT TO CHURCH!!!! It's been far too long. If I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. Let's see....how about since June 26th to be exact. And I promise you that it was trully a breathe of fresh air. And I know that God is all knowing, but I don't know how He knew to have me meet MAG. She invited me to her church (New Life Baptist Church - Decatur Ga.) and I must say that it was trully Heaven sent that I went. You see, the pastor made clear what I kinda knew, but had no idea how to put into words/action. He let me know that when we become Saved, that satan no longer has authority of our bodies, like in the New Testament when evil spirits would be inside a person's body. So now, he attacks the mind. And I promise you guys, that is what he has been focusing on with me. Its like he will try to pick that part of my mind that he knows will cause me to have a sinful nature, and he will hone on that.....but now I know, and can make it a tangible focus. Which is where the title, "Knocking on Heaven's Front Door". I see that this dude (satan) is gonna keep chasing me, because he knows what God has for me. So I figure, if/since there is satan's storm coming....why not knock on God's house and ask Him if he will have me in out of the rain. I've found out that not only will He allow us in, but He'll give us new clothing & a coat of armor to battle the deceivingness of satan himself.
So here I am, it's tuesday morning around 10:00am. Yesterday was a blur, with class and all. I'm still fighting temptations, but as I look back I'm seeing that I am winning now more than I was losing before, which means that I have to be moving in the right direction. And I thank You for it God. My peace of mind is beginning to ease into its restful state of being.
*Now if I can get these bills paid off I'll be alright* lol
One Step at a time KJD One Step at a time.
Yall keep me in ya prayers, and I'll do the same.
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
Friday, September 10, 2004
Two in a Row
Hey Everyone! As you guys can see I'm beginning to be more proactive with my weblog. Two days in a row....not bad...not bad at all. Maybe it's because I actually like my blog, or maybe it's because I have nothing to do at work today, lol. Well anyways I'll give my thoughts and ideologies about events past, present, and furturistic (sp), and then gracefully bow out~
After I left here (work - where I normally make all my posts) I went home for a change of clothes and then headed to the gym (Day 2 and counting). I still maintain that I need to shed 15lbs. I had a good leg workout though, and did a boat load of crunches and push-up......gotta a good lil sweat on, lol. So I get home only to realize that I left my phone charger in the office which was like 20mins opposite of class, so I was hoping really hard that VLG would have brought her's to class last night. I also got a call about the African American Student Association @ KSU having a "Black and White Affair" Social Gather aka party. But I really wasn't feeling wearing black and white yesterday, so I nixed that idea and decided to go with brownish bronze and white with a bronzed outlined tie (go figure). Anywho, so I was off to class, which turned out to be pretty interesting. I never thought that I would enjoy a Strategic Marketing class, but I am....so the 2 hrs & 45 mins, I didn't mind. I hit up the party afterwards only to realize that either 1. I'm getting old or 2. Black folks act different in the city than in the country, lol. I met up with some other Frat that I already knew (CW, WS, CN, AT, and AM who is in undergrad @ KSU) We tripped out for a while and then I took a back seat to kinda see how people really act....and I must say it was interesting to see the lil 18 yr olds try to hit on each other....awww isn't that sweet. After watching the sigmas attempt to stroll....we decided to piece together a universal stroll to do them up...which was funny and cool in itself, because out of the 8 Frat there, we were pretty much from different chapters, lol. So we did the dang thang for a min. I left around 11:45 and headed back to the house. As usual my angel, talked me back, and I actually got to know a bit more about her, which made the night. I cleaned the kitchen and my room before I went to sleep and was in bed by 1:10...which hurt my feelings this morning. Cause when the alarm went off at 5:30am......I definitely didn't want to get up.......
But here I am...at it again..
Yall be safe this weekend, and keep me in your prayers.
"Character is defined by what we do when no one else is watching"
After I left here (work - where I normally make all my posts) I went home for a change of clothes and then headed to the gym (Day 2 and counting). I still maintain that I need to shed 15lbs. I had a good leg workout though, and did a boat load of crunches and push-up......gotta a good lil sweat on, lol. So I get home only to realize that I left my phone charger in the office which was like 20mins opposite of class, so I was hoping really hard that VLG would have brought her's to class last night. I also got a call about the African American Student Association @ KSU having a "Black and White Affair" Social Gather aka party. But I really wasn't feeling wearing black and white yesterday, so I nixed that idea and decided to go with brownish bronze and white with a bronzed outlined tie (go figure). Anywho, so I was off to class, which turned out to be pretty interesting. I never thought that I would enjoy a Strategic Marketing class, but I am....so the 2 hrs & 45 mins, I didn't mind. I hit up the party afterwards only to realize that either 1. I'm getting old or 2. Black folks act different in the city than in the country, lol. I met up with some other Frat that I already knew (CW, WS, CN, AT, and AM who is in undergrad @ KSU) We tripped out for a while and then I took a back seat to kinda see how people really act....and I must say it was interesting to see the lil 18 yr olds try to hit on each other....awww isn't that sweet. After watching the sigmas attempt to stroll....we decided to piece together a universal stroll to do them up...which was funny and cool in itself, because out of the 8 Frat there, we were pretty much from different chapters, lol. So we did the dang thang for a min. I left around 11:45 and headed back to the house. As usual my angel, talked me back, and I actually got to know a bit more about her, which made the night. I cleaned the kitchen and my room before I went to sleep and was in bed by 1:10...which hurt my feelings this morning. Cause when the alarm went off at 5:30am......I definitely didn't want to get up.......
But here I am...at it again..
Yall be safe this weekend, and keep me in your prayers.
"Character is defined by what we do when no one else is watching"
Thursday, September 09, 2004
The Sims 101
Rants & Raves
[Begin]
Have you ever heard of the game call "The Sim's". If you haven't you need to, and if you have, then you will know exactly where I'm coming from with today's post. Its a computer game where you live as a modern day family. You have to perform ALL of the daily activities of each member of the family, and in some cases more than one family. All this having to be done within a 2-3 min condensed 24 hr period (i.e. 24 hours pass by within 2-3 mins). Lately, that is how I have been feeling like my life is going, lol. Sometimes I feel like these guys:
Between work (which I thank God for giving me this job), school (MBA Program), working out (Crunch Fitness), and trying to have a little time for me..........I need about 3 extra hours before the earth decides it wants to make a complete revolution,lol.
I remember the good ole days...when we could just sit around and chill....
[Begin]
Have you ever heard of the game call "The Sim's". If you haven't you need to, and if you have, then you will know exactly where I'm coming from with today's post. Its a computer game where you live as a modern day family. You have to perform ALL of the daily activities of each member of the family, and in some cases more than one family. All this having to be done within a 2-3 min condensed 24 hr period (i.e. 24 hours pass by within 2-3 mins). Lately, that is how I have been feeling like my life is going, lol. Sometimes I feel like these guys:
Between work (which I thank God for giving me this job), school (MBA Program), working out (Crunch Fitness), and trying to have a little time for me..........I need about 3 extra hours before the earth decides it wants to make a complete revolution,lol.
I remember the good ole days...when we could just sit around and chill....
Or maybe do this:
Ahh...those were the good days!
[End]
[Edit]
I had to come back and chat a bit more...partially cause I don't want to be bothered with this project I'm working on, and secondly because I just got back from lunch, and feel lazy, lol. Speaking of being lazy, I finally joined Crunch Fitness yesterday, so I'm putting myself on a good regiment. My goal is to shed 15lbs. I don't have a specific date or any other true motivation besides the fact that a year ago, I was 15lbs lighter, and thats where I wanna get back to. They asked me if I wanted a personal trainer, which I abruptly said "no" to....it kinda sounded like a non-masculine thing (nothing against it...just not for me). So they proceeded to tell me that there were 4 free session included with my package....so I agreed....on the premise that it was free. Anyways, I worked out for about an hour and a half...then headed home for some much needed rest. After finding a bite to eat and beating Kansas 70 - 7 (NCAA 2005), I finally laid my head down around 11:45.
For some reason or another I forgot to take the NightQuil before I went to sleep, so around 3am, I woke up with the worse symptoms of a cold yet. So I reached for the bottle (minus the measuring cap), and chugged back a huge gulp. I think that was the wrong idea though, because since I woke up this morning, I've had a terrible headache and have been feeling kinda whoosy......I hope I'm ok. I think so....I think its just that I know there is so much I have to get done today. I hate going to Carrollton, and hopefully I won't have to today, but when people owe you money (my former apartment manager), you want your money rain, sleet, shine, or snow......
See you guys tomorrow
Hasta Manana
[Edit End]
"Character is defined as what we do when no one else is watching"
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Warfare From The Past
You ever have one of those "blah" days, where it seems like everything in the world is in slow motion. Well today is one of those days. I don't know if it's because this woman name "Frances" has decided to just plop down whatever remains of her on Georgia, or if its because I have caught a terrible cold.....whichever is the case, I hope they both end soon.
Anywho, this past weekend has been eventful to say the least.
Friday - *Pounding Gavel* -> I have deemed Friday Nights to belong to the solitude of KJD (me), lol. This past friday night, after happy hour with some co-workers, I put on some good music.....cut down the lights...cut off the cell phone.........and got into some ..........'good ole playstation'!!!! I bet you thought I was going to say something bad, didn't you. hahahahha. NCAA Football 2005 has to be one of the greatest games ever. I have my team (Nebraska) ranked #1 in the Nation. Needless to say between that and a brief conversation with MAG, which was quite eventful, my night was good.
Saturday - MAG and I decided to hit up the skating rink in Smyrna. Man that place brought back so many memories....*thinking*....the old guy in the middle that did nothing but dance on skates all night....ICEE's....me trying to turn curves (note to self: put outside foot over inside foot, lol)....and the infamous "Set It Off" song, that they alllllwayyys play in the Skating Rink. I haven't had that much fun in a few weeks. I enjoyed MAG....afterwards we went to Olive Garden with tee-shirts and sweatpants on, but had a good time anyways. After which, I packed up and headed to my good ole hometown, Fort Valley.
I got there around 7:30, which was cool.....cause nobody knew I was comin, and I could at least try to get some rest.....which I did.
Sunday - I didn't wake up till around 10:00 Sunday morning, so I guess you can concure from that that I didn't go to church.....but I'm really contimplaiting going with MAG this Sunday. I put on some clothes and headed up to my fathers job, and hung out with him for a while......
Rant & Rave:
[Begin]
I remember when I was little, we use to go up to the nursing home, but going back there this weekend put a whole new spin on it for me. My father works there so he is use to seeing people in that shape...but I'm not. Now I don't mean that I'm soft or anything, but when he took me into the psychiatric ward, and I saw the condition of some of those people.....man that really hit hard. I don't ever want to be in that condition.....yall just let me die before I get there....
[End]
So afterwards, we went back to his house and grilled out.....man, nothing beats good ole soul food....Meat on the Grill, Greens, Cornbread.....yall folx up North just don't know what you guys are missing.
Sunday night, I ran into an Ex from High School....which is where Warfare with the Past comes from. MP proceeded to ask me how things were in my life.....was there a Mrs. KJD....how much she use to be in love with me....and all this that and the other. Now keep in mind that the reason that MP & I ended almost 6 years ago, was due to the fact that I had hard evidence of her unfaithfulness....and the funny thing was....even though she has grown physically (cause she is fine as they come), she is still not there (for me at least) mentally. I mean she was wanting to go down the whole intimacy path, and I had only seen her for like 3 hrs? Im like WHAT? Anywho, she got dismissed early...like 10:00pm early. But I won't say that it was easy, cause like I said two lines above....she is fine as they come...lol.
Monday - Got up kinda early in hopes of getting back on the road at a decent hour and before the tropical storm rolled through......but as you can probably suspect, I didn't hit the road till dang near 7pm. Timi talked to me on the phone while I drove through the storm, which made it a little better. I still say she is my Angel, but she'll just reply with "Aw, your such a sweety", lol. Thanx girl!
So here I am........ready to tackle another day, embark on more blessings.....a new day, new mercies, new beginning, and another chance to better myself, as 1. A child of God 2. A man of Christ 3. A man of righteousness. As I have stated before, I know that I won't always have good days, but without struggle there is no progress. I'm learning to fight back, mentally. To overcome this sinful nature that tries to strife away at my soul throughout each moment of each day of each hour and of each second. I know now that I have God on my side. But I also know now, that that was never the problem.......the problem was that I often times chose not to be on His side, by going against His Will on my life. He has always been there.......it was I who Failed. But that's merely a figment of my imagination now.......only used by satan himself to try and mock me and discontinue my path of righteousness. Move aside satan....my road to salvation is not big enough for the Three of us.
Lord you are my Free Will. When I stopped trying to force My Will, and freed my mind, body, & soul, to allow Your Will........then My Will became Your Will and Your Will became Free Will. Free to praise & worship He who strengths me. Free to not have a closet religion.....Free to employ My New Found Will on the world and give praises unto Him who has blessed and prospered so many.
See He can even overcome Blah days...........ahhhh *signing*......I feel so much better now!
See you guys soon
KJD
Anywho, this past weekend has been eventful to say the least.
Friday - *Pounding Gavel* -> I have deemed Friday Nights to belong to the solitude of KJD (me), lol. This past friday night, after happy hour with some co-workers, I put on some good music.....cut down the lights...cut off the cell phone.........and got into some ..........'good ole playstation'!!!! I bet you thought I was going to say something bad, didn't you. hahahahha. NCAA Football 2005 has to be one of the greatest games ever. I have my team (Nebraska) ranked #1 in the Nation. Needless to say between that and a brief conversation with MAG, which was quite eventful, my night was good.
Saturday - MAG and I decided to hit up the skating rink in Smyrna. Man that place brought back so many memories....*thinking*....the old guy in the middle that did nothing but dance on skates all night....ICEE's....me trying to turn curves (note to self: put outside foot over inside foot, lol)....and the infamous "Set It Off" song, that they alllllwayyys play in the Skating Rink. I haven't had that much fun in a few weeks. I enjoyed MAG....afterwards we went to Olive Garden with tee-shirts and sweatpants on, but had a good time anyways. After which, I packed up and headed to my good ole hometown, Fort Valley.
I got there around 7:30, which was cool.....cause nobody knew I was comin, and I could at least try to get some rest.....which I did.
Sunday - I didn't wake up till around 10:00 Sunday morning, so I guess you can concure from that that I didn't go to church.....but I'm really contimplaiting going with MAG this Sunday. I put on some clothes and headed up to my fathers job, and hung out with him for a while......
Rant & Rave:
[Begin]
I remember when I was little, we use to go up to the nursing home, but going back there this weekend put a whole new spin on it for me. My father works there so he is use to seeing people in that shape...but I'm not. Now I don't mean that I'm soft or anything, but when he took me into the psychiatric ward, and I saw the condition of some of those people.....man that really hit hard. I don't ever want to be in that condition.....yall just let me die before I get there....
[End]
So afterwards, we went back to his house and grilled out.....man, nothing beats good ole soul food....Meat on the Grill, Greens, Cornbread.....yall folx up North just don't know what you guys are missing.
Sunday night, I ran into an Ex from High School....which is where Warfare with the Past comes from. MP proceeded to ask me how things were in my life.....was there a Mrs. KJD....how much she use to be in love with me....and all this that and the other. Now keep in mind that the reason that MP & I ended almost 6 years ago, was due to the fact that I had hard evidence of her unfaithfulness....and the funny thing was....even though she has grown physically (cause she is fine as they come), she is still not there (for me at least) mentally. I mean she was wanting to go down the whole intimacy path, and I had only seen her for like 3 hrs? Im like WHAT? Anywho, she got dismissed early...like 10:00pm early. But I won't say that it was easy, cause like I said two lines above....she is fine as they come...lol.
Monday - Got up kinda early in hopes of getting back on the road at a decent hour and before the tropical storm rolled through......but as you can probably suspect, I didn't hit the road till dang near 7pm. Timi talked to me on the phone while I drove through the storm, which made it a little better. I still say she is my Angel, but she'll just reply with "Aw, your such a sweety", lol. Thanx girl!
So here I am........ready to tackle another day, embark on more blessings.....a new day, new mercies, new beginning, and another chance to better myself, as 1. A child of God 2. A man of Christ 3. A man of righteousness. As I have stated before, I know that I won't always have good days, but without struggle there is no progress. I'm learning to fight back, mentally. To overcome this sinful nature that tries to strife away at my soul throughout each moment of each day of each hour and of each second. I know now that I have God on my side. But I also know now, that that was never the problem.......the problem was that I often times chose not to be on His side, by going against His Will on my life. He has always been there.......it was I who Failed. But that's merely a figment of my imagination now.......only used by satan himself to try and mock me and discontinue my path of righteousness. Move aside satan....my road to salvation is not big enough for the Three of us.
Lord you are my Free Will. When I stopped trying to force My Will, and freed my mind, body, & soul, to allow Your Will........then My Will became Your Will and Your Will became Free Will. Free to praise & worship He who strengths me. Free to not have a closet religion.....Free to employ My New Found Will on the world and give praises unto Him who has blessed and prospered so many.
See He can even overcome Blah days...........ahhhh *signing*......I feel so much better now!
See you guys soon
KJD
Thursday, September 02, 2004
If Not When, Why Not Now
Morning:
I've been contimplating creating this post for the last three days. Ironically everytime I get to the title "If Not When, Why Not Now", I somehow never get to writing the post. Well, it's now thursday morning. I have an instate job to survey this morning, so I'll be outta here around 9:00am. But in the mean time, I figure I'll go into one of my modes about the direction my life is headed.
I came up with the idea of "If Not When, Why Not Now" due to the fact that I can trully feel God churning inside of me. Which has been something that I haven't felt this strong in my entire life. The things that I do in life that I know are sins (lying [no matter what level], envy, jealousy, etc....), are things that I know longer have the desire to do. Funny huh, to hear someone say that they "have a desire to sin"....but is it a wrong statement on any level. Think about it for a second. People may not want to lie, or steal, or be jealous, but desire is still in them...cause if it wasn't they would never do it. Back to my story....
Ironically, it seems like as I start my climb up the slopes of righteousness, I feel like around every bend there is someone/something, there to try and slow down the progress of God's Will. Whether it be a woman, who is only here because she see's potential in me, and because she "thinks the sex would be good" (yeah, those were her exact words). I'm like dang, have we reached that level in our society now? Or whether it be financially, like the bank deciding they want to take 150.00 out of my account for no true reason. Or whether it be KSU who decides that my grant for grad school has not come in and won't until the end of september, so I have to pay out of pocket now......
Whatever it may be, I won't/can't let it knock me off the path. I use to just take the punches and try to hold my balance, but I can't/won't do that anymore. I'm at the point where I'm going to fight back. Not physically, but mentally....I've learned that we can overcome our fears and adversaries easier mentally, than physically. So I am reverting back to the thing that has gotten me this far (the Word) and I shall carry on my shoulders the key ingredient I feel is needed in order for me to get to that next level in His eyes and not the world's eyes.
"When I was a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put aside those childish things"
I must have more out of life.....more peace of mind, more joy, more happiness, more health, more wealth, more caring, more humbleness.....and above and beyong all....more Him (the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spirit). Because He is.....my peace of mind, my joy, my happiness, my health, my wealth, my caring, my humbleness....so I seek more of Him in seeking all of these other things...they become the 'new' desires of mine own heart. I am at the point where I can feel Him inside me, where I can feel him using His tools to fix me, to mold me, to create Him....in me. Adam couldn't sustain living without Him inside, and look what happened to Adam....so how can I explain to anyone that I can live without Him inside me. So I ask Him to dwell within me, within my very soul, so that it may illuminate not only my innerself, but that it brighten the souls of all that I come in contact with, speak with, walk with, and abide with.
I'm tired of struggling, not just in this blind state of mind, but tired of struggling within my soul. And I have since found out that He is my refuge, He is my calm to calm all disarray, my wind to sooth all tiredness.....He is my Air, so I ask the Lord, to live within me... with every breathe that I take....and with each breathe of spoken word that transpires out of my soul.... that You mold it into Your words, so that when spoken, the world no longer hears me....they no longer hear bitterness & saddness.....they hear You...see You...and feel You, not only living within me, but becoming a breathe of fresh air upon the fruits of the Word.
Thank You God
I've been contimplating creating this post for the last three days. Ironically everytime I get to the title "If Not When, Why Not Now", I somehow never get to writing the post. Well, it's now thursday morning. I have an instate job to survey this morning, so I'll be outta here around 9:00am. But in the mean time, I figure I'll go into one of my modes about the direction my life is headed.
I came up with the idea of "If Not When, Why Not Now" due to the fact that I can trully feel God churning inside of me. Which has been something that I haven't felt this strong in my entire life. The things that I do in life that I know are sins (lying [no matter what level], envy, jealousy, etc....), are things that I know longer have the desire to do. Funny huh, to hear someone say that they "have a desire to sin"....but is it a wrong statement on any level. Think about it for a second. People may not want to lie, or steal, or be jealous, but desire is still in them...cause if it wasn't they would never do it. Back to my story....
Ironically, it seems like as I start my climb up the slopes of righteousness, I feel like around every bend there is someone/something, there to try and slow down the progress of God's Will. Whether it be a woman, who is only here because she see's potential in me, and because she "thinks the sex would be good" (yeah, those were her exact words). I'm like dang, have we reached that level in our society now? Or whether it be financially, like the bank deciding they want to take 150.00 out of my account for no true reason. Or whether it be KSU who decides that my grant for grad school has not come in and won't until the end of september, so I have to pay out of pocket now......
Whatever it may be, I won't/can't let it knock me off the path. I use to just take the punches and try to hold my balance, but I can't/won't do that anymore. I'm at the point where I'm going to fight back. Not physically, but mentally....I've learned that we can overcome our fears and adversaries easier mentally, than physically. So I am reverting back to the thing that has gotten me this far (the Word) and I shall carry on my shoulders the key ingredient I feel is needed in order for me to get to that next level in His eyes and not the world's eyes.
"When I was a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put aside those childish things"
I must have more out of life.....more peace of mind, more joy, more happiness, more health, more wealth, more caring, more humbleness.....and above and beyong all....more Him (the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spirit). Because He is.....my peace of mind, my joy, my happiness, my health, my wealth, my caring, my humbleness....so I seek more of Him in seeking all of these other things...they become the 'new' desires of mine own heart. I am at the point where I can feel Him inside me, where I can feel him using His tools to fix me, to mold me, to create Him....in me. Adam couldn't sustain living without Him inside, and look what happened to Adam....so how can I explain to anyone that I can live without Him inside me. So I ask Him to dwell within me, within my very soul, so that it may illuminate not only my innerself, but that it brighten the souls of all that I come in contact with, speak with, walk with, and abide with.
I'm tired of struggling, not just in this blind state of mind, but tired of struggling within my soul. And I have since found out that He is my refuge, He is my calm to calm all disarray, my wind to sooth all tiredness.....He is my Air, so I ask the Lord, to live within me... with every breathe that I take....and with each breathe of spoken word that transpires out of my soul.... that You mold it into Your words, so that when spoken, the world no longer hears me....they no longer hear bitterness & saddness.....they hear You...see You...and feel You, not only living within me, but becoming a breathe of fresh air upon the fruits of the Word.
Thank You God
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