If I...

go and prepare a place for you..........

And so a new day begins, a new rising of the sun, a new morning mist, a new dew sets upon the cusps of the white winter roses. A new arrival....of mercy, grace, and love. Being able to express myself to the extent of my previous post really allowed my inner self to see how great the one thing in life that is FREE, really is.....Faith.

You can lose all worldy possesions, all facilcies of this code of 0's and 1's in which we call life.....but if you keep that the one thing that holds truest to your soul, you will soon see that IT alone, will guide you, seemingly steering, through the transgressions of the world.

I'm serious though, I mean it took me, re-reading my previous post ohhh, 10 or 20 times before it really hit me...faith was all I needed/need. I've had so much to write about over the past week, but when I sat down in my office this morning, took away from my work, put in the Kindred CD, all I could do was type. But not type some preconcieved thought process, noooo, all I could do was type, and whatever left my heart is seeming to by pass my mind and head directly to my fingertips. Anyways, thanx to you guys who stopped in to share and check up on me....the calls, the emails, and the prayers. For sake of spending this entire post with names, I'll just send out an abundant "Thank You".

So I've begin to Expand Walking & Learning! My new expansion has led to "Walking With Christ". It is somewhat of a spin-off to W&L, but this blog is solely dedicated to me getting a better understanding of the word. Now it trully is a journal....a journal of all of my spiritual conversations with the Word. Whether it be church, bible study, conferences, or just conversations with both Saved & Unsaved Souls, about Christ. The blog will be little of my words and more of Word that is used to help me grow in the Body of Christ. I shall still reserve W&L for my personal thoughts and expressions. But WWC begin while cleaning out a filing cabinet in my room at home. I begin to find so many notes and scriptures I'd written down from church or other various spiritual conversations. I'd originally planned on starting a simple MS Word Journal, but now I feel that His Word should be shared with others, and that I should not be selfish and keep it to myself. So I hope you guys check it out from time to time, and read with an open mind. Thank you and may God bless.

Ok, so I tipped the scale this morning 5lbs lighter. My goal is to get back down to my playing weight of 195lbs. I don't know if I've found the right diet for me, but lately I've been sticking to this regiment:

Breakfast: 4 slices of turkey bacon
3 scrammbled eggs (twice a week)
1 bottle of water

Lunch: 2 Turkey & Cheese sandwiches
1 bottle of water

Dinner: Mashed Potatoes (twice a week)
Turkey Savory Sub (Subway) (twice a week)
Sunday Dinner (Biggest meal of the week)

Ok, Ok, Ok, I know what you're thinking......I know this dude be going to McDonalds, & Burger King, & all the other fast food joint...but really I don't. Let's see the last time I went to McDonalds was early October for breakfast, the last time I went to Burger King was when my brother was in town which was the first of November........now see...haha!! *poking out tongue* : p

Anyways, what else is new? Well, God has been placing some good people around me lately. There is Ms. SP, who works in another department. She has been with NS for over 20 years or so, and she invited me to her church (World Changers Ministries) last Sunday, which was a great experience, and warrants a post of its own (soon to come). Also there is SW, who has been a great listener, whether through blog or words of wisdom via email, or just a call to see how I'm doing. And last but not least Ms. KS, who is becoming a friend and another person who is willing to listen to me.

Well, hopefully our boss will let us outta here at 2:00pm today, well at least that is the buzz around the office today. I've heard that the traffic on I-75 south is suppose to be hectic this afternoon, so I think I'm going to postpone my leave time until around 8:00pm tonight.

Hopefully I get to post while I'm at home, but if I don't I hope you guys have a wonderful Holiday weekend, and some good shopping on Friday morning......but no fighting, lol!

Stay blessed and prosperous

KJD

[God...I need a miracle]

Eating me from the Inside...

because I keep thinking to myself, can my life get any worse. I really feel as though I am at the lowest of lows. [* I wish this was one of those posts where I attempt to speak metaphorically about someone else, and try to blend it in with my own feelings, but unfortunately....it isn't*] I am so disgusted with so much in life right now. I know, I know, I know....we aren't suppose to lose faith, hope, or our sanity......but at this point in my life, I am nearly losing two of the three, and faith alone is keeping me standing. I know many of you who will come across this page might find it a bit too direct, but I have to get this off of my chest trully, before I lose hope...and...my sanity.

Deep down inside, I swear it feels as if I am going to implode. I use to write about being inside a dark room, with no light, and frantically screaming to the world, but no one hears.......now.....now....I just wanna clam up, close down, and really Emerson everything in life. Things are just that bad now. I know that we are suppose to look to the good things in life to give us strength, but I'm drained...so drained.

[opening heart]
I desire a lot, but I have little
My heart, my mind, my love, and My God
I have the strongest of roots, but in evaluating myself....there are no fruits
God has given me the will to hold on, and I promise (myself), that is the only thing that I can put my faith in
I have no peace, no happiness, no joy, no nothing from this world

And maybe its God showing me that all I need is Him
But it hurts
Not like one of those, Guys aren't suppose to hurt, so we suck it up and keep it inside....nooo
This hurts like your soul being consumed with poisonous snakes, and everytime you toss one off,
another bites you in a different place of your soul (in life)
I have no idea what purgatory feels like, but if its anything worse that what my soul feels now,
Then I know I don't wanna go there.

I'm so discontent with everything surrounding my life...except me.
Its really confusing though, cause 9 times out of 10, I'm wondering if I need to change/grow me?
But then, I'm doing good things...I'd do anything in the world for anyone.
But for some reason...I always...and I mean always get the tail end of the stick.
And what makes it worse is the fact that I try to be a good person.
[closing heart]

As crazy as it sounds, I wish I could contribute it to something....whether it be sinful in nature or not...but something. While I was typing this MJ instant messaged me and I begin to tell him about it, before he had to leave and go to class......anywho, he says that I should ask God for understanding....so my last IM before he LEFT was that I asked God for simplicities in understanding His Will. If you guys can recall to my post last friday.

So here I sit....alone...frustrated...feeling as though the ceiling is drawing nearer and nearer. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but it seems like the snowball keeps gaining more mass.

I feel like everytime I try to find something to hold the ceiling up and keep it from falling, the object I use...breaks........there has to be a trap door around here somewhere.......I surely hope and pray that God is watching down on me now, cause I really need Him.......I really do.......I can't DO life alone....I don't have the means...

Alone

Lying, Thinking, Last night
Trying to find myself a home
Where my soul is without thirst
and my heart...without moan.
I've learned one thing
And my emptiness proves I'm not wrong
That nobody
But nobody
Can make it out here alone

Alone..yes alone
maybe like the rest of society
I lay here all alone

I don't know others
but I know my heart lones
for joy in the morning
happiness in the night
and peace of mind, no one can clone
Cause nobody
But no body
Can make it out here alone

Alone, yes alone
Maybe like the rest of society
I lay here all alone

Now if you listen closely
You'll hear what I hear
The breathe of a single soul
The intellected thoughts of a man
whose feelings are getting cold
A man whose suffering from a suffication of frustration
A conglamoration of thoughts
That has led him to become God's Patient

Patient for purpose, life, and peace
So as the frail night falls
and the morning dew rises,
He'll have someone there...to call...because

Nobody...no nobody
Can make it out here alone.

KJD - 11.18.04

"God...I still....need a miracle"