Today marks the second consecutive (of many) day to which I've awaken to the cool, brisk sounds of thoughts racing through the inner workings of my mind. Having witness so many, so many ups and downs since last I turned finger tips to keystrokes, I figured the silence that no surrounds me is an open opportunity to release.
Perhaps one of my greater fears in life is that as I methodically arrange keystrokes, is that they will be in a similar pattern of the same thoughts and life experiences of the past. Having being absent from type for quite some time, perhaps I'll use today begin to play catch up on a life that has taken quite a few twists and turns.
I'm often reminded of when I used to freely release my thoughts for the world to view. I remember eagerly wanting to carve time out of time, and to find that secret place in the day to be remembered of the things that had occurred in my life. For quite some time now, that motivation has been obstructed. Perhaps by life, or the circumstances resulting from decisions that I've made; either way the fading thoughts of my mind, lacking expression, seems to have found a place to dwell in my spirit for quite some time. Now I can't really say that today marks a new beginning or even a clear cut release of my most inner thoughts. However, I can say that as I awoke this morning, my mind somehow led me here, to this blank canvass, as if it had something it needed to be brought from the spiritual world, into the realm of reality. I guess I would compare it to a cup having filled to it's rim, with thoughts of yesterday, and possibilities of tomorrow. Wanting desperately to purge and or prepare for what's to come....
Life is interesting these days. I'm reminded of a passage I heard once, that I'd like to paraphrase as "My past is a nightmare from which I'm so desperately trying to awake". I'm assuming that the natural thought is that my Journey is laced with victim-related happenings, or wrong doings. However, this past of a nightmare, has little to nothing to do with anyone other than the 3 beings that rest within me. My soul, my mind, and my spirit. Perhaps they work as 1, or perhaps a 2/3rd majority is needed to make decisions in my life. Which beacons reality, or rather the reality I've created based on the 2/3rd rulings that have come from within. There is a lot that has not changed since I first began massaging the keypad, some 8 years ago. I still find myself questioning life's meaning, and the correlation of the decisions that lie within. I think far to often over this Journey I've allow my spirit to reside on a roller coaster that often times leads to nausea of my soul. My mind screams at every twist and turn, not realizing that what's just around the corner isn't always what's best for me. My spirit has suffered. I find myself not knowing who sits to my right, or my left. Somehow I hope to message the machine operator and tell him I want off.....but the ride continues.
Have you ever watched the keystrokes of a masterful pianist? The art form, the meticulousness, the command at which the artist handles this machine made up of so many moving parts? One stroke leading to another, and another...another. The masters of the art form often times, close their eyes and allow their fingers to control their surroundings. I've watched on occasion, the confidence, the mastery, the forethought with which it takes to know how the crescendo should rise, how the melody should flow. Never missing a stroke, or even if, having the ability to pick right back up as if the melody never ceased. #message#
Today's note, I'll keep short. Hoping that more thoughts are now allowed to birth themselves within me as I arise and hearken to what is to come of the day. I must say that releasing, simply for the purpose of release is therapeutic (without the pills). I do, however, long for a time of more consistency. Not only in exercising my thoughts to this blank canvass, but to that of life.
And so the Journey continues.....hope you'll come along for the proverbial, ride.
To God be the Glory
Journey
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Winter Cleaning
It's a New Year, and as mom so often says a New Season. New things going on in life, and a much needed New way of thinking on others. 2011 celebrates 6 years (on and off) of My Journey. Some strange things have happened over the years...some good...some not so much. But as I enter into 2011 and begin to look back on what I've gone through over the years, I have to pause each and every day (sometimes multiple times), and give thanks to God for 'everything" that has transpired. Not only because it makes me the man that I am, but because it also gives me a testimony that I hope to share with someone else, at some point in life.
So what exactly does the new year bring? Well as you can probably guess by now I'm still living in the Mid Atlantic. However between that and my job being the same (love my job); not much else made it into 2011 that was around in 2010. So if I could label 2010 in a few words it would probably best be described as a "forced house cleansing". I do think it's interesting though. Sometimes we pray for things with full ought regard that the end result is what's best, but not really realizing what trials, tribulations, tests of faith, and perhaps moments of unrealistic regret we'll have to go through in order to have our prayers answered. I can honestly speak truth to this now that I've gone through what transpired in 2010. For example, I can recall numerous prayer sessions on my knees, or in the car, or where ever the need for guidance took place. I can recall me pleading with God for guidance on uprooting unfruitful people and things out of my life. Now mind you, this wasn't a one time prayer where I prayed it and just gave it up....this was a "I-need-you-now-tomorrow-thedayafter-thisweekendtoo" type prayer. One of those continued prayers where you prayed about it so much that it became as common to your prayers as "Amen". While I can look back on those prayers and give thanks that they have been answered (a much needed house cleaning in 2010)....I can't fully say that it was the easiest thing I've ever encountered. Take for example people being removed. Sounds positive..sounds like something we should do with unfruitful people we encounter. But actually doing it is a beast. Not comparing people to sin, but it's like trying to overcome a sin. We can say day in and day out that we'll stop sinning, but each day is a struggle, sometimes severe, to make that thought a reality.
So here we are....2011! A somewhat clean slate. An new opportunity to not make the same mistakes that were made in 2010. I have a good feeling about this year though. Much better of a feeling that I've had in past years. Things really seem to be falling into place on this end; and for that I give much thanks to the Lord above. I have a few things on the "to-do" block that I'm hoping to get accomplished this year. Leading the list is getting more active in church. A close second is Graduating, for the final time, this year. Other than those two, I'm working on a non-profit that I would like to have off the ground this year....and productive in 2012.
So now that I've done a bit of house cleaning...I've been thinking about my prayer and meditation for 2011. For whatever rhyme or reason the phrase "my rib" keeps coming to mind. I guess if God saw fit and need for Adam to have his, perhaps He'll see fit and need for me to find mine in 2011. Now that....that would be "Magical".
Processing my Journey....
So what exactly does the new year bring? Well as you can probably guess by now I'm still living in the Mid Atlantic. However between that and my job being the same (love my job); not much else made it into 2011 that was around in 2010. So if I could label 2010 in a few words it would probably best be described as a "forced house cleansing". I do think it's interesting though. Sometimes we pray for things with full ought regard that the end result is what's best, but not really realizing what trials, tribulations, tests of faith, and perhaps moments of unrealistic regret we'll have to go through in order to have our prayers answered. I can honestly speak truth to this now that I've gone through what transpired in 2010. For example, I can recall numerous prayer sessions on my knees, or in the car, or where ever the need for guidance took place. I can recall me pleading with God for guidance on uprooting unfruitful people and things out of my life. Now mind you, this wasn't a one time prayer where I prayed it and just gave it up....this was a "I-need-you-now-tomorrow-thedayafter-thisweekendtoo" type prayer. One of those continued prayers where you prayed about it so much that it became as common to your prayers as "Amen". While I can look back on those prayers and give thanks that they have been answered (a much needed house cleaning in 2010)....I can't fully say that it was the easiest thing I've ever encountered. Take for example people being removed. Sounds positive..sounds like something we should do with unfruitful people we encounter. But actually doing it is a beast. Not comparing people to sin, but it's like trying to overcome a sin. We can say day in and day out that we'll stop sinning, but each day is a struggle, sometimes severe, to make that thought a reality.
So here we are....2011! A somewhat clean slate. An new opportunity to not make the same mistakes that were made in 2010. I have a good feeling about this year though. Much better of a feeling that I've had in past years. Things really seem to be falling into place on this end; and for that I give much thanks to the Lord above. I have a few things on the "to-do" block that I'm hoping to get accomplished this year. Leading the list is getting more active in church. A close second is Graduating, for the final time, this year. Other than those two, I'm working on a non-profit that I would like to have off the ground this year....and productive in 2012.
So now that I've done a bit of house cleaning...I've been thinking about my prayer and meditation for 2011. For whatever rhyme or reason the phrase "my rib" keeps coming to mind. I guess if God saw fit and need for Adam to have his, perhaps He'll see fit and need for me to find mine in 2011. Now that....that would be "Magical".
Processing my Journey....
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