Today marks the second consecutive (of many) day to which I've awaken to the cool, brisk sounds of thoughts racing through the inner workings of my mind. Having witness so many, so many ups and downs since last I turned finger tips to keystrokes, I figured the silence that no surrounds me is an open opportunity to release.
Perhaps one of my greater fears in life is that as I methodically arrange keystrokes, is that they will be in a similar pattern of the same thoughts and life experiences of the past. Having being absent from type for quite some time, perhaps I'll use today begin to play catch up on a life that has taken quite a few twists and turns.
I'm often reminded of when I used to freely release my thoughts for the world to view. I remember eagerly wanting to carve time out of time, and to find that secret place in the day to be remembered of the things that had occurred in my life. For quite some time now, that motivation has been obstructed. Perhaps by life, or the circumstances resulting from decisions that I've made; either way the fading thoughts of my mind, lacking expression, seems to have found a place to dwell in my spirit for quite some time. Now I can't really say that today marks a new beginning or even a clear cut release of my most inner thoughts. However, I can say that as I awoke this morning, my mind somehow led me here, to this blank canvass, as if it had something it needed to be brought from the spiritual world, into the realm of reality. I guess I would compare it to a cup having filled to it's rim, with thoughts of yesterday, and possibilities of tomorrow. Wanting desperately to purge and or prepare for what's to come....
Life is interesting these days. I'm reminded of a passage I heard once, that I'd like to paraphrase as "My past is a nightmare from which I'm so desperately trying to awake". I'm assuming that the natural thought is that my Journey is laced with victim-related happenings, or wrong doings. However, this past of a nightmare, has little to nothing to do with anyone other than the 3 beings that rest within me. My soul, my mind, and my spirit. Perhaps they work as 1, or perhaps a 2/3rd majority is needed to make decisions in my life. Which beacons reality, or rather the reality I've created based on the 2/3rd rulings that have come from within. There is a lot that has not changed since I first began massaging the keypad, some 8 years ago. I still find myself questioning life's meaning, and the correlation of the decisions that lie within. I think far to often over this Journey I've allow my spirit to reside on a roller coaster that often times leads to nausea of my soul. My mind screams at every twist and turn, not realizing that what's just around the corner isn't always what's best for me. My spirit has suffered. I find myself not knowing who sits to my right, or my left. Somehow I hope to message the machine operator and tell him I want off.....but the ride continues.
Have you ever watched the keystrokes of a masterful pianist? The art form, the meticulousness, the command at which the artist handles this machine made up of so many moving parts? One stroke leading to another, and another...another. The masters of the art form often times, close their eyes and allow their fingers to control their surroundings. I've watched on occasion, the confidence, the mastery, the forethought with which it takes to know how the crescendo should rise, how the melody should flow. Never missing a stroke, or even if, having the ability to pick right back up as if the melody never ceased. #message#
Today's note, I'll keep short. Hoping that more thoughts are now allowed to birth themselves within me as I arise and hearken to what is to come of the day. I must say that releasing, simply for the purpose of release is therapeutic (without the pills). I do, however, long for a time of more consistency. Not only in exercising my thoughts to this blank canvass, but to that of life.
And so the Journey continues.....hope you'll come along for the proverbial, ride.
To God be the Glory
Journey
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