Frustration

Yesterday was one of those days that I really wish I could go back and do over again.  It was so frustrating that this morning I don't know where to begin.  I had to go back out to Carrollton to pick up my next to final load from the old apartment.  I hate that drive, Lord knows that I do.  On the way out there the BellSouth guy called and said that he was almost to the house to fix my phone jack, so that I could get online at home....well the only problem with that is that my roommate, who was suppose to be home by the time the guy got there....."wasn't there".  So I'm still stuck!  We are suppose to be getting Comcast DSL next week, but the only part about that is that I don't wanna shove out the loot for it.  I would rather just keep dial-up, until I can fit it into my budget.  Needless to say, he really teed me off with that one, because if it were me, I would have been there; rain, sleet, shine, or snow.  But I guess its like V said: "Everyone is not like you".  So after that trial, I was on my way back to the city and decided to call my middleschool sweetheart....lol(One of these dayz Imma make a post just for her, because thats  how long it would take to talk about the whole situation, and maybe ill link it here).  She is in Med School here in Ga, and doing rather well for herself.  We chatted for about 5 mins, before Im like (insert name), where are you?  Then she proceeds to tell me that she is in town.  So I'm thinking..."don't push the issue about getting together", knowing good time well, I wanted to.  So I didn't push the issue in the first conversation, but low and behold she calls back 25 mins later while im still in the car.  So the temptation took over.  I told her that anytime I ever come into the town where she goes to school, I always try to at least stop by and see her, if only for just 5 mins.  So it also frustrated me that she didnt make an attempt (forshadowing).  So last night...ohhh around 1:15am, my cell goes off....and who else is on the phone but her.  Now if it was anyone else, I would think it was a booty call, but her, I knew better.  We talked for about 25 mins, and she made mention to ask me how far away was I from where she was crashing for the night.  So I told her that it was only 15 mins......and we played the whole, I wanna come, I want you to come, but its almost 1:30am in the morning and we both have to be up at 5:45am.  So needless to say, she didnt come, nor did I go there.  But the fact that she called and it was on her mind did kinda ease my frustrations. 
 
I got paid yesterday (whew heww right?)! Wrong.  Man I got jipped out of like 250.00 on a salaried check...go figure.  The guys that do our travel expenses decided to take a vacation for the whole fourth of July WEEK!  Needless to say, they didn't sign my travel expense paper work.  So right now I am hurtin ya know?  But by the 30th I should be ok.  I try to keep a little stashed away for times like these.  Another frustration to say the least.
 
I had a dream last night that I won the lottery.  Amazingly I remember what I was going to do with the winnings.  I said that I'd pay off all my families debt (including my own) and I vaguely remember something about my moms, and a new car....then I woke up.
 
I think its time for me to give much more of my time to God.  I know that we have our personal relationships with Him, and some may or may not need to be discussed over blogs, but I felt the need to tell myself that.  I have been putting off the book: The Purpose Driven Life.  And every since I begin putting it off, I feel like I am somewhat losing "purpose".  I want more of Him.  I NEED more of Him.  I want to get out of this rut that I am in and really be able to step up and claim my title as a child of God.  I know that I am just that, but I seem to mess up so much, that I'm like "Dang (insert my name) you start doing right for about a week or two and then "bam" you fall off the freakin cliff. "  Imma get there though yall, I may not have much left when I get there, but Imma get there, mark my word.  I may have to separate various entities from my life, but Imma make it. 
 
I have been fightin with this idea of change for about the last two months.  I am not an advocate of change, because I prefer growth more.  It tends to produce more positive outcomes than change. Right now I am at a point where growth is really needed.  :Out To LUNCH Be Back: