It's only a "Matter of Time"

I hope you guys enjoy the highlight film of my old highschool team (Peach County High). It's the winding down portion of another work/school week, and I must say that I'm ready for the weekend. Not because I have soo much to do, but because I will be able to get some rest. This has been one stressful week. I consistantly try not to complain, because I know there is better, just on the other side of the valley. So what's going on with me today you ask? Well, I need a haircut *scratching my head*, and I need to clean my room when I get home. Tonight really will be "KJD's" Night, cause I don't have any money, lol!!! Anyways, as the day winds down, I want to express some stuff that I wrote to a friend of mine who attends UGA. She and I met immediately after mid-march. She went to the church (Antioch) that I use to go to. Her folx really took care of me back in those days. Well needless to say, I keep in touch with her here and there to make sure that everything is going good in her neck of the woods....so anywho, for the past few days, we have been somewhat opening up to each other simply about "LIFE". No drama, no interests in each other, just L.I.F.E. Anyways here is an exerpt from my email to TH this morning: (It really allowed me to open up a little bit)

[Edit]
(picking up conversation...But I guess it’s that way with all of us. I look at myself often times, and I know we are not suppose to look to the “world” for answers, but sometimes, I really try to sit down and think about “who actually knows who KJD is?” It really troubles my heart, though, because often times when I have those thoughts, I can never find more than 1 or 2 names…the First being God, and the second being whichever one of my pseudo-friends that is around at that particular time in my life. Which is sad to say, because I do yearn for companionship, I yearn for people who are willing to do as much for me as I would for them, for individuals who Love God and are not afraid to let people know that they do, I yearn for people who will take the time out of his/her life to get to know the inside of outside of KJD that the world only sees. I think there is so much about me that no one has ever tapped into. Kind of like a Gold mine sitting out in the middle of nowhere.

You see, every since my freshman year in college, I’ve always been the to-myself kind of person. Even though I played football for UWG, and I joined a fraternity, and I was in a committed relationship for two years…I still felt alone…and to this day, 75% of the time, I still feel alone. It’s funny though, well really it isn’t, but often times I’ll sit back and write my own renditions of Maya Angelou’s “Alone” poem. Maybe I’ll share one or two with you, if I can dig it out of the archives at home. It’s really strange and trivial though, because I’m at a point in my life where I really want to be able to see God’s plan for my life come to fruition. Many times I overanalyze God, thinking that He is thinking one thing or that He may have this plan or that plan for my life, and I never just stop and ask Him for simplicity… until this morning. It’s actually kind of an interesting story though. You see, yesterday we had a group case analysis due in my Strategic Marketing class. Well I don’t mind giving presentations, but when one of my group members calls at 2:30pm yesterday and says that she isn’t going to make it to class, and my other group member seems to want to get lazy at the last minute…let’s just say that it was a hard feeling at first. We made it through the presentation last night, after some rigorous work yesterday, but that’s not the point. The point was that after I got home last night at 12:30am, and had to fold up clothes before I went to sleep, I just knew I’d be in a bad mood this morning. Well my alarm went off at 5:31am this morning, and as I always do, I rolled out of bed and began to pray, but this time it was different. This time, without a clear thought process, I begin to ask God to reveal His Will for my life in as simple a fashion as He possibly could, so that I would not have any doubt about analyzing what He wants from me. The prayer just went on and on about how I need more of Him in my life and about how much I thank Him for just being such a presence in my life…felt like I was getting “Saved” all over again! What a wonderful feeling! So I sit here now, and it’s 8:11am, (...peeling away from conversation)
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Sometimes I Just need to Express Myself..........


"God, I need a Miracle"

KJD