Creative Loafing

It took me a while to realize why I stopped writing consistently, as I had in the past. I remember when I first begin writing, it was more so a means to release things that had been stored in either 1. My head or 2. My heart. Well, as I look back on many of my posts, I realized that I begin writing so that others (those that frequented my site) would have something to read, rather than my truly expressing things that were on with 1. or 2. So ultimately, I guess that is why I stopped writing, because I no longer was talking to me, I was attempting to talk to the world, when the one that needed the most to read, coincidentally, was me…

So here I sit, it’s a cool moderately brisk Thursday afternoon. I needed to get away from everything going on around me….my job, my school work, my friends (or lack there of), seemingly everything, so that I can attempt to recapture “me”, and figure out how I can move forward in life and find my niche in where I’m going.

*I’ve never really just taken time to come to a place that would take me out of the norm, and show me that there is peace & serenity in this strange place (Atlanta), so I took a half day from work, went home, grabbed my laptop, and headed for Piedmont Park. I’ve found me this nice quaint spot with a great view of the confusion going on in the midtown area. The wind is blowing a little bit, which is making me sniffle, but that doesn’t hold up against the calmness I’m feeling right about now.*

So it’s just me, and God, now. For the first time, since I can remember understanding what it was like to have that closeness and/or bond with others, have I felt like this. I think right now is another big transition phase for me, and my life. I look at what I want to do, and where I wanna go, and I try to figure out how I can achieve or obtain the things that matter so much to me. Funny though, cause I recall trying to decipher them myself, not knowing that I couldn’t manage my day, much less myself, by myself.

Ok, I kinda feel like I’m rambling now, and there is so much that I need to put down from my mind to my hands, so let me quit procrastinating:

I guess the center of everything begins with the fact that I finally joined World Changer’s Church International. I fasted about it back in January, but I still didn’t feel like it was my time, but last Sunday March 6th 2005 was my day to begin planting my “roots” into WCCI. I really feel that it will be the focal point of everything that follows. That will become the means that roots out all issues going on in my life, which are to follow. But though I need to get these issues off my heart, they will not concur my emotions.

I guess the most pressing issue is the fact that KH and I can’t even manage a friendship, which really burdens the heart, because for a minute there I actually thought that we were rooting ourselves into a quality friendship, but now I realize (forcefully) that I must let her partake of this new endeavor in her life without me. I guess what makes it so difficult is that we work together, and in such close proximity. I have to see this woman everyday, knowing that I care for her so much, and knowing that the situation she is in is something she is encountering not out of desire, but out of necessity. I know that it is God telling me that I need to separate myself from this situation, which quite frankly may be one of the hardest things to do, simply because I know the situation. Although I do thank God for the revelation.

I do enjoy my job, and I don’t wanna end up on 20/20’s “Blogger’s Gone Wild about their boss” or anything, but I must vent about certain things at my job. Now besides the fact that KH works next to me, which you can refer to #1 for, I do have my issues. Now I know that I’ve only been there for 73 days, but there are some things that just don’t make sense to me. I guess the #1 things “it isn’t just people that don’t pay their bills”, companies do the same thing! I’ve got quite a few who feel that it is perfectly fine, not to pay their bills…go figure. I won’t say their names, nor where I work, because quite frankly I do believe that is “illegal”.

*sidebar* - Man I’m hungry, I’ve gotta hit up Jersey Mike’s before I leave this side of town

Ok, back to the job. I guess it’s that I’m a real big stickler for efficiency, and when I see situations that aren’t efficient, it throws up a red flag to me. But with all that said, it’s a blessing that God has brought me this far, and has given me this much, which means to me, that if I stay faithful and focus on Him, He will bring forth so much more.

Ok. Time out Kemo…..lets go take some pictures!