Speak To Me

Yesterday morning I woke up with a Word on my heart......I often wake up at 3:00am...unaware of the meaning, reasoning.  Perhaps it's my body not being in balance, or maybe it's.......God carving out time to speak to me.  I have to be honest and say that I haven't listened well over the last...who knows how many years. Listening to God is an interesting topic in and of itself.  Do you hear through your ears, your heart, your soul, your spirit....or some combination of them all.  Regardless, I can say that that is an area of my life that I have lacked for quite some time.  

None the less, I work up on this Sunday morning with a Word on my heart.  <sigh> I lost my way with God some time ago. Strangely, defining "way" is still hard to do, but I do know that from a prioritization perspective, God wasn't the priority. What was.....self, the world....who knows.  Maybe I should spend some time one day on that thought and dig deeper.  Either way, I do feel that accepting responsibility for a lost "way" (whatever definition it takes) is an important part of life.  

Often times in my life I find myself, speaking to myself.  Whether it be words of encouragement....words of correction.....or sometimes....just words to get through the day.  This Sunday wasn't so much that tone of voice.  It was as if something existential was speaking to me.  Even after 40+ years of living I still struggle with fully knowing how to codify existential.  My brother has always believed that the existential lies within; then again I've heard varying points of view.  Many say that God speaks to the spirit that lives within you, so much so that the spirit then speaks those words to you, within you.  Maybe my brother isn't so far off from the truth.  

After getting up yesterday morning, I remembered where I'd heard those words before....

I often wondered what that walk was like...from the broken down old bar, filled with the smell of mold and alcohol.  That walk out of that place...<sigh>....I wonder what the feeling was like when God entered into her spirit......was it like mine yesterday morning.  Did it feel like rain...cleansing the soul? Did it feel like the moment just before tears begin to fall from a broken souls eyes?  For me, it wasn't encouraging...or affirming...it was....I dunno....a bridge between was I perceive as existential and reality?  A feeling...that doesn't have sound, taste, touch, or any other sense.

Either way....it felt like something, or rather someone acknowledging my past, my present, and my future all at the same time.  With 4 simple words, I was able to subconsciously and consciously hear.....my spirit.

Yet it's Monday....and here I am....still listening....asking God to speak to me....guide me....teach me....help me find my way....even if the tears continue to fall.....because if I have learned nothing else in this period of my life, I have learned these four words, and I pray that they guide my thoughts...and my way of life....

Sinners.  Have. Souls. Too.