Afternoon. It's been quite a few afternoons since I last decided to release my thoughts. Its seems like so much of nothing has been going on that I haven't had the opportunity to put my thoughts out.
Before I started typing to today I contemplated whether my thoughts were directed at God, self, or the world. Needless to say I haven't come to a conclusion, and perhaps it's a summation of one of more (all). Either way, I'm still the same guy from 2004, who started a blog with the mindset to put his thougths down so that maybe they would help someone else. Be it a random person who came across this url, a friend who somehow got a hold of this page, or perhaps more importantly, "me", somewhere down the line in life.
So I'm still in the Mid Atlantic, some 5 years later. And quite honestly I don't really know what to make of this move. Financiall it was beneficial, but often days I question the emoational benefit of this move. I'm here physically, but mentally I'm somewhere else. For example, I've been here for 5 years, and I can't for the life of me remember a dream I've had where I was actually "here". Each dream that I can remember I've been somewhere else; either some fictional city and time, or some place that I've visited over the years and enjoyed. I've never really given this much thought before, but now that I think about it, I wonder if that's a sign that the Mid Atlantic isn't the last stop?
So one may wonder what my apprehension about this place may be? There's the beach, there's good job opportuniies, why am I complaining......
Honestly, I'm still trying to find that tune that that you hear, and your hair raises on the back of your neck, or the one that makes your soul feel at peace. I remember when I first started blogging. I was definitely in the Rat Race. Back then it was all about meeting friends for lunch, happy hour, or who was having a house gathering the upcoming weekend. Those were good days (back then). They really were, and I sooo appreciate them. I can recall, eagerly waiting for the weekend and what was to come. Maybe it was the atmosphere in Atlanta, or the mind state of the friends that I had/have there.....maybe it was something else.
But now....5 years later...I want something different. I'm still single (not married). Honestly, that sucks. I'm sure God has a reason for it...or maybe he had a different path that I chose not to take along the way. Either way, I'm here. So I've been asking myself lately what it is that I want out life, a mate....myself. So perhaps I'll take them in sequential order.
Life: I want to be a good man, as hard as that can be from day to day. I want to leave an impact on this world that will be lasting. I know that one day I'll leave this earth, but before I do, I hope that I can help someone else make their life better. I want to be a good friend, and to have good friends. As the years have aged, I've realized that in life you'll only have a handful of people that will stick with you in life. Knightmare and Remix have been that to me. I think back to all the people (guys particularly) that I've met over the years, and quite honestly, those are the only two that I really feel know enough about me to "honestly" speak for me. But back to life. Perhaps because there was no blueprint in life, I've allowed society to mold my opinions.....because I want those things I see on TV (right, wrong, or otherwise). I want a stable family that can talk through their issues before the 30 mins show is over. I want a life where family is important, and we don't live off of generational curses. I want a life where I can wake up each day and be progressively happy about where I am, and who I'm with. Which leads me into the next chapter.....a mate.
Wife: Before I begin this rant, I'm well aware that this blog won't do justice to what my desires are in this area. So with that said, as time has passed in my life, so have my desires for a mate. It used to be "the 100% go-getter", because that was where I was in life. I thought that would give us space to have things to talk about and perhaps be a helping hand along the way. I guess as I've gotten older my views have changed. I've honestly gone from wanting a wife, believe I'd be single forever, and back to wanting a wife. However, at this stage, my wants/nees are different. Go-getting is still desired, but a wife that can find a fine balance between work and home is much more desired. I want to talk about work and it's in's and out's, but I also want to talk about the relationship, both good and bad, without it leading into an argument. I want to have a progressively stable relationship, where she and I can discuss, and each person takes the others opnions and works to integrate them. No necessarily changing who we are, but realizing that each person have different needs, and perhaps sacrificing here and there to meet those needs. Is that really too much to ask?
Myself: Good grief, where do I even begin? I feel like I'm lazy. And what's worse nobody is here to tell me that, but me. Everyone else says that I do all these great things, but I look at myself and say that I'm lazy. I have a litney of reasons to feel this way, but I'll keep them short. I still need to finish this masters degree, I've been putting off a couple of certifications, I can't seem to get out of this work project that I'm on, that I sweat is draining the very life out of me. So that's 3, just to name a few. Other than that, I could use to be a bit more organized. I've slipped on my fiscal responsibilities lately. Nothing too major, however. All bills are paid, and there's a bit left over, but I remember how I was a few years ago....and I'm definitely not there right now.....gotta get back to the basics (side note: I just figured out what to title today's blog).
Well lunch time is almost over, and I need to get back to work. I have a few people to try and make happy before this week is out....all while trying to keep my sanity.......
This groove has helped me get through this morning, and write to you......hopefully it'll help you as well.
Today's Groove: http://youtu.be/s4GmNoXFojo
Be Easy
Gentleman
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